


hearts a mess

by slvtherxn



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Even is a ray of sunshine, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Weed, from isak’s POV at least, isak is confused, kind of enemies to friends to lovers, the boys are... there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2019-11-16 05:56:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 31,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18088730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slvtherxn/pseuds/slvtherxn
Summary: Jonas takes the new kid at school under his wing, and everyone instantly loves him... everyone but Isak. He’s cool, and older, and funny, but whenever he talks, Isak gets the weirdest nauseating feeling in his stomach. He thinks he might hate him.also known as: Even, a living ray of sunshine, joins the boy squad, and Isak mistakes his huge crush for hatred.





	1. episode one: jonas’s new friend

**Author's Note:**

> enemies to friends to lovers evak! inspired by when we thought french even would join the boy squad :( anyways, here we go... should update weekly. title from a gotye song

**Fredag 21:15**

 

Isak giggles as Magnus passes him the gravity bong, just on the edge of being high. Jonas, to his left, pushes his sunglasses from his hair to covering his heavy-lidded eyes. His dazed expression is enough to make Isak giggle again. 

 

“Ow, stop it,” Mahdi complains for the third time, sitting to Jonas’ left. Magnus is perched just next to and above him, sitting on the edge of the tub, and the higher he gets the more he keeps accidentally kicking Mahdi.

 

“Sorry,” Magnus laughs, adjusting so his feet are pointing away from Mahdi’s knees. Isak briefly considers asking Magnus to switch spots with him so he can spare Mahdi the irritation, but his brain is hazy with his high and he’s comfortable slumped against the back of the tub where he is. Moving… does not sound as nice. 

 

Flicking the lighter, he inhales from the opening and exhales smoke towards the opposite edge of the tub. He holds his hand out to pass Jonas the water bottle, but Jonas is too busy frowning at his phone. 

 

“Eva?” Isak asks, narrows his eyes. 

 

“She only texts me when she’s wasted, bro, it’s fucked up,” Jonas groans, locking his phone. “I don’t want to hook up with her like that. I want her to be actually into it.” 

 

Isak hums as sympathetically as he can, quiet and lazy with how stoned he is. It’s not like he doesn’t care— he does, of course. He loves Jonas. But the more they talk and think about it, the guiltier he feels for still not wanting them together. It’s some weird form of jealousy lingering from his stupid crush last year. 

 

“So fucking noble,” Magnus says, “I’d take her offer now.” 

 

Isak snorts out an ungraceful laugh. Eva is one of his close friends, he’d never think about her like that. She’s like his sister. It’s weird. 

 

“That’s why you don’t have a girlfriend,” Jonas says, and Mahdi reaches over to fistbump him. “Nice burn. Bonus points for sad truth.” 

 

After a moment, Isak realizes his hand is still outstretched with the water bottle, and so he hands it to Mahdi instead, tossing him the lighter. 

 

“Hey!” Jonas cheers, and when Isak looks up again, there’s someone else shaking Jonas’ hand, and climbing into the bathtub, squeezing right next to him. 

 

When their eyes meet, the stranger’s eyes widen in surprise. 

 

Isak feels like he’s locked in place, like he couldn’t move from this spot or look away from the stranger’s face if he wanted to. He’s blonde, hair perfectly coiffed up, and so tall, all long skinny legs, and Isak feels instantly drawn to him— like a magnet, like they’ve met before, like there’s a weird force drawing them together, fate or the universe or something else. One of his knees bumps Isak’s as he sits down, and it sends a rush through Isak’s entire body. 

 

“This is Even,” he can vaguely hear Jonas saying, smiling stupidly, “He’s new, and he’s so fucking cool, and he’s our friend.” 

 

_ Even.  _ Isak’s mouth is suddenly very dry. He licks his lips and watches as Even laughs, his eyes crinkling up at the corners,  reaching over to shake Madhi’s hand, to sloppily fistbump Magnus. He watches Even speaks to them, lips full and perfect, eyes so blue that Isak’s stomach does a weird flip. He can’t hear a word anyone is saying. The only sound in his ears is the beating of his heart, loud and quick. 

 

Even’s head turns, and their eyes meet, and Isak’s breath stills in his chest. Time slows to a stop, and nothing matters except the two of them. Nothing exists except the two of them.

 

Isak stares, until Even raises an eyebrow at him, questioning. He realizes what he’s doing and looks down, overcome with shyness. 

 

“Halla,” Even says, soft and deep, just for him, the first syllable longer than the last, “I didn’t know you were friends with Jonas.” 

 

Isak swallows, trying to get rid of the uncomfortably dry feeling in his throat. It takes him a moment to realize what Even said, and his brow furrows in confusion, “Do I know you?” 

 

Even laughs, and then shakes his head. “No.” 

 

Jonas rolls his eyes at the stunned look on Isak’s face. “Don’t mind him,” he says, “Isak’s a lightweight on... every substance, so he’s really fucking high right now.” 

 

“I’m  _ not  _ a  _ lightweight, _ ” Isak groans. He clears his throat awkwardly, tentatively looking back up. Even is smiling, like he doesn’t even find it lame that Isak can’t function around him. Did he interpret that wrong or did Even imply he knows who Isak is? Why does Jonas pick the weirdest people to be friends with? 

 

“I didn’t know you have friends other than us,” he mutters, and Jonas rolls his eyes. Mahdi laughs, at least, so some of the tension is broken. 

 

“We’re branching out, dude, it’s cool. You’re new? What class are you in?” Magnus asks, because he’s always been a little too friendly for Isak’s taste, who would prefer to be quiet and stick with the few people he likes. 

 

“3STB,” Even nods, and pulls a joint from behind his ear. Isak hadn’t even noticed it past the rest of Even’s face. “Better than a geeb, right?” 

 

“So much,” Mahdi groans, “Thanks, bro.” He passes the lighter over, passing the gravity bong to Magnus, who sets it precariously on the corner of the tub. Isak pockets the ziplock bag of extra weed. 

 

“It’s going to fall,” Isak mumbles. Even chuckles, placing the joint in his mouth to light it. Almost unconsciously, Isak’s eyes slowly slide to his right until he’s looking at Even. When Even looks back, he instantly looks down. 

 

“No!” Magnus squawks, as there’s a thump and a wet noise, and both of their eyes lift to see the fallen geeb. 

 

Even giggles, and the noise makes Isak’s stomach feel weird and gross and fluttery. He swallows, and purposefully keeps his eyes on his feet, too uncomfortable to look Even in the eyes. What is  _ wrong  _ with him? He feels so weird around Even, his chest gets tight and his stomach does flips. And he kind of wants to throw up. It’s horrible. Maybe he’s getting sick. The flu is a thing, right? It’s probably going around.

 

He looks up when Even nudges his shoulder and extends the joint towards him. 

 

Of course, more weed. The perfect solution to make him feel better. 

 

“Thanks,” he mutters. Without looking Even in the eyes, he takes the joint, bringing it to his lips to inhale. It’s better weed than Mahdi’s, and he exhales, hums appreciatively in Even’s direction. 

 

Outstretching his hand, he passes it to Jonas, who is still looking Even like he’s the coolest person alive. Apparently Isak is the only one with the weird feeling in his stomach. 

 

“Alright,” Magnus says, “Did you guys see that blonde girl Eva hangs with now? Isn’t she so hot?” 

 

“Noora?” Isak mutters, without thinking. He definitely shouldn’t know that, but there’s certain things you learn after living in a basement. 

 

“No, that’s definitely not her name,” Magnus waves his hand. “The other blonde one.” 

 

“Dude, no,” Jonas groans, “She’s too  _ loud.  _ One time she yelled at me because I said  _ russ  _ is stupid.” 

 

Isak shakes his head, “I don’t think she’s hot.” 

 

Magnus rolls his eyes. “She’s fucking  _ hot,  _ you’re both stupid. Okay, what about that little brunette? With the short hair?” 

 

“True,” Jonas agrees, “She’s cute.” 

 

“No,” Isak shakes his head, “I don’t think she’s hot either, you guys have bad taste.” 

 

Mahdi exhales smoke, and laughs from his spot next to Jonas. “Yeah, man, but you don’t think anyone’s hot. You’re really picky considering how ugly you are.” 

 

Even raises his eyebrows into his hairline. 

 

“Ouch,” Jonas mutters, and Isak rolls his eyes so far back it almost hurts. “There’s gotta be someone you think is hot, right Issy?” 

 

“Cute nickname,” Even grins, wide and bright, his eyes even more crinkly now that he’s slowly getting more stoned. Isak’s entire face flushes red, and he looks straight at the ground, despite how much he wants to keep looking. 

 

“It’s not,” he mutters, and then clears his throat, “The, uh… Short hair girl is cute”. 

 

“Knew it,” Magnus cheers, passing the joint back to Isak, who takes it gratefully as an excuse to not talk any longer. His friends don’t seem to get the hint, and try to edge him on, asking what he likes about her, if he’s going to hook up with her. 

 

Throughout the conversation, Isak can feel Even’s eyes on him, almost staring at his face. It makes him uncomfortable, and he squirms a little in his seat. It’s not like he’s doing anything weird— why is Even  _ like that?  _ Jonas just had to pick the weirdest people to be friends with. 

 

Isak swallows anxiously as his friends continue, and Even, seeming to notice how uncomfortable he is, turns his head to look at the rest of the group. “Who’s Eva?” He says. 

 

Isak groans quietly. He knows Even is trying to help, to get the attention off of him, but asking about Eva doesn’t help. “Jonas’ ex-girlfriend,” Magnus pipes in, “He's still stupid in love with her, but she only likes him when she’s wasted.” 

 

“Hey,” Jonas complains, but it’s halfhearted.  

 

“It’s true,” Mahdi mutters. 

 

Isak nudges Even just slightly to pass him back his joint. Before he can speak again, maybe to save Jonas, maybe to try and explain, two girls are bursting into the bathroom— a little blonde, and the brunette they were talking about earlier. 

 

Isak looks around, ducking his head. Please don’t let his friends point it out. Please don’t let them push him towards her. 

 

“Isak, it’s your girl,” Magnus hisses. 

 

Of course. 

 

If there’s a higher power out there, Isak is pretty sure they hate him. He exhales, long and sad, casts his eyes down, letting his expression fall for just a split second, before he turns it back on. He waggles his eyebrows at Magnus, and tilts his chin up the tiniest bit, looking through his lashes at the brunette. 

 

Even shoots him a weird look, but Isak can’t meet his eyes. Of course, it had to happen while he was here. No one else seems to notice his slight falter except Even. 

 

Or, maybe that’s good, Isak can prove himself. There’s no way he can get out of it now, right? 

 

“Can you guys leave?” The blonde one asks, “I have to pee.” 

 

“Go ahead,” Mahdi says, and Jonas snickers, blowing the smoke in rings from his lips. 

 

“Oh my god,” the blonde groans, “Can’t you guys just leave for like, one minute?” 

 

Magnus shrugs uselessly. While they’re talking, Isak’s eyes have stayed on the girl. She gets the hint, and her lips are curling into the smallest smile as she looks back at him. 

 

“There’s another bathroom upstairs,” Even says, polite but short. It’s Isak’s turn to give him a weird look. His other friends are stupid, but they’re always excited to be around  _ hot girls,  _ and Even seems to want the two of them to leave. 

 

Even smiles. The blonde looks at him for a moment, and her face looks as intrigued by Even as Isak feels. “Thanks,” she says, “Come on, Emma, let’s go.” 

 

She turns towards the door. Isak forces half a smile towards Emma, more smirky than fond. He reaches over, takes the joint from Magnus’ hand. 

 

“Hey!” Magnus squawks. 

 

“Do you want a hit?” Isak asks, and the other four are instantly quiet. 

 

“Really?” Emma says. She’s cute, Isak can admit that. She has nice teeth, and a pretty face, and her haircut suits her, giving her a petite look similar to Natalie Portman. And she seems nice enough, shy in a cute way but forward enough to smile back at him. As much as he tries to justify the logic of it in his head by mentally listing all of the reasons he should be attracted to her, he’s just not. 

 

Isak nods, the same small smile on his lips. He climbs out of the bathtub before he can think about it, and walks towards Emma. “Do you smoke?” He asks. 

 

She shakes her head. “Can you show me?” 

 

Oh, perfect. Easy.

 

He doesn’t dare look back at his friends, but he knows they’re watching, because they’re all deadly silent. 

 

Isak nods, trying to ignore everything except for the girl in front of him and the end goal. “Okay,” he agrees.

 

His eyes still on Emma’s, he brings the joint to his lips and inhales. He steps closer, until one of his arms slides around her back, and he presses his mouth to hers, the smoke flowing between them. He can feel her inhale, and then they’re kissing. 

 

She’s a good enough kisser, with soft lips and gentle hands, but Isak pulls back after a minute or two. “Okay,” he says, and steps back. She steps closer to him, and he takes another step backwards. “I’m going to smoke with my friends now, but I’ll see you around.” 

 

“Okay. See you soon,” she grins at him, wide and pretty, and leans forward to kiss him on the cheek before exiting through the door. 

 

As soon as it shuts, Magnus whoops loudly from behind him. “Isak!” He cheers, “You’re my god!” 

 

Isak rolls his eyes, and takes another longer hit from the joint before climbing back in the tub. 

 

“Seriously, bro,” Jonas leans over to fistbump him, “Insane game. Nice.”  

 

He shrugs, and fistbump Jonas, but then settles back against the back of the tub. 

 

“Yeah, that was cool,” Mahdi agrees, “I gotta give it to you.” 

 

They’re still talking, but Isak turns his head so that he can look at Even, who is weirdly quiet. When he looks at Even, Even won’t meet his eyes, instead picking at a string on his jeans. Isak gets the weirdest feeling that he’s done something wrong. 

 

He nudges Even, outstretches his hand to pass him the joint again, even offering half a smile. But Even still won’t look at him, instead just nodding and taking the joint without touching Isak’s fingers, which has to be purposeful, based on how small the joint is by this point. 

 

Even inhales once, and passes it over to Jonas. 

 

Furrowing his brow, Isak feels like a guilty child, unsure of what he did wrong but knowing that he definitely doesn’t want to do it again, not if it puts that look on Even’s face. 

 

Weirdly enough, no one else seems to notice. 


	2. episode two: kosegruppa betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> to Jonas: I just don’t get why you like him so much. he’s really weird  
> from Jonas: dude! we’re weird! he’s cool, and super nice, and he has good weed, and he likes hanging out with us. if there’s a real problem, text me, but if not, be nice. i know you’ll like him

**Lørdag 10:21**

 

Isak groans as he wakes in the morning, rolling over until he’s flipped on his stomach. He reaches one hand to rub his eyes, and then extends it, trying to grab for his curtains without opening his eyes. It’s so  _ bright.  _ Why does the sun have to come up so early? 

 

Grasping aimlessly, he groans again, and gives up, instead searching blindly for his phone. When he grabs it, he finally opens his eyes. Sliding the phone open, he has several texts already. 

 

 _group_ _message : the boys _

_ Jonas Vasquez has added UNKNOWN to the chat _

_ from Magnus: Who _

_ from Mahdi: is that  _

_ from Jonas: Even! _

_ from Magnus: sweeeeeeeeeet. what about the Facebook chat tho _

_ from Jonas: He doesn’t have Facebook, we text now _

_ from UNKNOWN: I stay off social media, sorry  _

_ from Mahdi: yoooo. imessage is better anyways _

 

Even. Jonas has deemed Even a close enough friend to join ‘the boys’ chat. It makes Isak’s stomach feel weird. He’s tempted to search for Even online, but he’s already said he doesn’t have social media. Instead he exhales, and saves  _ UNKNOWN  _ into his contacts as  _ Even.  _

 

_ from Magnus: can we talk about Isak and that girl. she was so into him _

_ from Magnus: isak is my GOD  _

_ from Jonas: issy k has game  _

_ from Even: Another very cute nickname for Isak! How many do you have?  _

_ to ‘the boys’: dont expose me  _

_ from Jonas: issy, is, issy k are the best ones _

_ from Even: Cute! _

_ to ‘the boys’: her name is emma btw  _

_ from Mahdi: legend  _

 

‘Cute’? What is he supposed to think of that? He groans. Even’s just like that, and it makes him a little uncomfortable. When his phone buzzes with a Facebook notification, he frowns. 

 

_ Emma Larzen has sent you a friend request.  _

 

It’s the Emma from last night. Her profile picture is cute enough, and how she found him, he’s not really sure (did he give her his name?) but whatever. He accepts anyways. She almost instantly sends him a message. He ignores it. 

 

_ from Emma Larzen: Heyy :)  _

 

_ from Jonas: you have the weed right _

 

Shit. Isak reaches over the side of the bed to grab his pants from last night, rummaging through his pockets. He turns all of them inside out and doesn’t find a single ziploc bag. Shit. Eva would’ve told Jonas if she found weed at her house, right? How did he even lose it? 

 

_ to the boys: eh…. working on it  _

_ from Mahdi: dude what does that mean _

_ from Mahdi: did you lose my weed  _

 

He closes his phone and lays back down. 

 

**Mandag 10:20**

 

Isak shows up for school exhausted and irritated. His sleep habits have been getting bad again— or maybe they never got better in the first place. He can’t really tell. Either way, he downs a Red Bull on his way to class and it still has yet to kick in. 

 

He tosses his bag to the side, sliding into his seat in biology. The seats are still being arranged, and he’s still waiting to see who his lab partner will be, so the seat to his left is currently empty. 

 

As soon as he sits down, Sana is at his side. 

 

She slides into the empty seat next to him, and turns towards him. It’s not like he knows Sana we’ll— just barely through Eva— but her eyes are narrowed and she’s staring directly at him. 

 

He slowly turns to look at her, and then gestures irritably as she continues to stay silent. “What? Are you just going to keep staring at me?” 

 

“I have your drugs,” she finally announces, low enough that no one can hear except him. 

 

He stares at her. There’s no way she could be lying. She would only know about the drugs if she found them, right?

 

“What?” He shakes his head. He barely knows Sana, but he’s pretty sure that she’s not a stoner and she has no use for his weed. Mahdi’s weed, actually. But besides that, he shakes his head again. “Okay, give it back?” 

 

She stares him down, shaking her head. “Do you know how much trouble Eva would be in if they found it at her house?” He feels slightly like he’s being scolded, especially when she furrows her eyebrows at him. “You’re supposed to be her friend. Friends don’t fuck over friends like that.” 

 

Isak opens his mouth, and closes it, realizing he doesn’t quite have a rebuttal for that. “Okay…” he trails off lamely, “But they didn’t.” 

 

“But they could have,” Sana reprimands. “I think I deserve a reward for finding it.” 

 

Isak groans. “Do you think this is a fucking Narcos episode? It’s not even that much weed. Just give it to me.”

 

Sana shakes her head, her stubbornness matching his own. It’s annoying, to have someone just as good as it as he is. Maybe better, seeing how calm she is and how scrunched his face is getting. “You and your friends have to come to Kosegruppa.” 

 

“Kosegruppa?” Isak blanches, spitting the word out as if it’s a curse, or something particularly disgusting. And, well. It is disgusting. “No.” 

 

“Come to Kosegruppa,” she repeats, “You and your friends, and I’ll give you back your drugs.” 

 

Isak can hardly believe that he’s being blackmailed by  _ Sana  _ with Mahdi’s weed. “Fine,” he mumbles, “I’ll come to your stupid meeting.”

 

“And bring your friends,” she reminds, smiling at him so self-satisfied that it’s almost a smirk. When she starts to stand, their teacher starts talking. “Isak and Sana!” She announces, “Perfect, you can be lab partners.” 

 

“What?” Isak lifts his head. 

 

“No, I was just leaving,” Sana points across the room, “I sit over there.” 

 

“No, stay, you sit there now. The two of you can work together.” 

 

Isak exhales, long and irritated, and leans back against his chair. 

 

**Mandag 12:10**

 

Throwing his backpack to the side, Isak slides grumpily into his chair at the lunch table, so hard that it scrapes loudly against the tile floor. “She won’t give it back to me,” he announces, voice tinged with bitterness, “Sana has it— she’s my biology partner now, by the way, so that’s great, and she won’t give it back unless we go to this stupid, girly meeting where she’s going to force us to hold hands or sing or make bread or something else horrible.”

 

“Whoa, hold on, relax. Give what back?” Jonas asks, and when Isak, scowling dramatically, looks up, there are four people sitting around the table with him. His friends— Jonas, Mahdi, Magnus— and  _ Even.  _ Who is not his friend. Who now sits with them at lunch. Whose idea was this? 

 

Judging by the way they’re sitting— Mahdi, then Magnus, then Even, then Jonas, then Isak, who finishes the circle next to Mahdi— he puts all the blame on Jonas. Isn’t Jonas supposed to be  _ his  _ friend? Why is he betraying him like this? Not to mention Even is in  _ his _ seat. He always sits between Magnus and Jonas. 

 

Even raises his eyebrows at Isak, and Isak pointedly looks in the other direction. He hates being around him, it makes his stomach feel disgusting and his appetite is completely gone. There has to be something  _ wrong  _ with Even, something bad about him. That’s the only explanation. He’s never had such a strong, uncomfortable gut feeling about anyone before. Isn’t this what people talk about in like, serial killer documentaries? That gut feeling that someone is a bad person? Maybe he’s just being dramatic, but he’s pretty sure this is the same feeling. 

 

“Uh,” Isak shakes his head, stammering as he’s completely lost his train of thought. Even looks increasingly more amused, which irritates him. It’s like some kind of game to him, to see how far he can piss off Isak. “Uh, Sana has the weed.” 

 

Magnus squawks out a laugh. “Sana?” He shakes his head, eyes widening as if it’s funny and not currently the second biggest irritation in Isak’s life. 

 

“Yes,” Isak deadpans, shaking his head back at Magnus. “And she won’t give it back unless we go to Kosegruppa, which is Friday, so we’re all going.” 

 

Mahdi laughs far louder than necessary. Isak glares at him. 

 

“Dude,” Magnus says, reaching over to pat Isak on the shoulder from where he’s adjacent to him. “You lost the weed, you go to Kosegruppa.” 

 

“The deal was  _ everyone  _ goes,” Isak stresses, waving his hands dramatically. “Come on! You know how Sana is!” 

 

“Hey,” Jonas elbows Magnus, gestures for Isak to chill. “Kosegruppa might be the most boring thing in the world, but we’ll go. I want that bud back.” 

 

“I’m in too,” Even says. 

 

Isak’s head snaps up to look at him. He hadn’t thought about the fact that  _ Even  _ would be going. Now he’s tempted to back out, but he owes this to Mahdi, who is actually super chill. “Uh,” he shakes his head, “Whatever. See you all there Friday at 18.”

 

**Fredag 18:05**

 

Isak isn’t early to the meeting, but none of his friends are there. Of course. He sighs, rolls his eyes, and sits down off to the side, as far away from everyone else as possible. Looking down, he pulls his phone from his pocket, and slides open his group chat, angrily typing a text to see where— 

 

“Hello.” 

 

Fucking hell. His head snaps up, and as predicted, Even is smiling at him, bright and happy and charming. Of  _ course.  _ How could his friends betray him like that? He doesn’t even know Even! And Even’s so… weird, and he doesn’t get why everyone likes him. 

 

“Hi,” he mumbles back, ducking his head. 

 

Even looks at him a moment longer, and then sits down just next to Isak. When neither of them speak up, he chuckles softly. “Okay, good talk.” 

 

Isak scowls at his feet. It’s like the guy can’t take a hint. Who just talks to people they barely know? He opens his phone again, finishing his message. 

 

_ group message: the boys  _

_ to ‘the boys’: where the fuck are you guys  _

_ to ‘the boys’: you guys left me here alone with Even  _

 

“Ehh…” Even’s talking again, from next to him, and he sounds slightly confused. “You know I get those texts too?” 

 

Oh, fuck. How could he forget that Jonas had added him to the chat too? “Shit,” he mutters quietly to himself, looking up at Even. Even’s eyebrows are raised, and he almost feels bad. 

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he lies, shaking his head, “It, uhh… the tone is hard to read over text.” 

 

Much to his surprise, instead of being offended or angry, Even tosses his head back and laughs. “Fuck, you’re such a bad liar!” He says, his eyes wide and bright with amusement. 

 

“I am—  _ what?”  _ Isak scoffs, “I’m a fucking amazing liar. I’m the master of lying.” 

 

Even’s eyebrows shoot into his hairline. “Oh, yeah?” He says, his tone teasing and friendly, as if he  _ likes  _ Isak, as if they’re friends. “What have you gotten away with?” 

 

Isak opens his mouth to respond, and he would have came up with a great rebuttal— really, he would have— but Vilde’s started talking, her hands moving quickly, almost nervously. And it’s only respectful that he listens, of course. So he pointedly turns towards Vilde, scrunching his eyebrows together as Even chuckles. 

 

_ group message: the boys  _

_ from Jonas: shit, was that tonight? Something came up  _

_ from Jonas: also, Even is in this chat, idiot _

_ from Mahdi: Even, I’m sorry you’re stuck with Isak :/ _

_ from Magnus: LOL. destroyed him  _

 

The reminder from Jonas is a little too late. Isak glances at Even from the corner of his eye, trying to figure out if he’s actually offended, and just covering it up. Shouldn’t he be mad? The fact that he’s not even slightly irritated makes Isak hate him even more. Where does he get off, acting so chill and happy all the time? 

 

Vilde giggles from the front, and Isak turns his head, trying to actually pay attention. “Okay!” She claps her hands together, bouncing on her feet, “If everybody could stand up please, then we’ll get to know each other.” 

 

Even stands to his feet, both hands in the pockets of his jacket. Isak sighs, rolls his eyes, and stands up beside him. 

 

Vilde’s telling them to do something, but Isak isn’t listening, more like staring at a spot on the wall behind her head. Even taps his shoulder, and he almost jumps out of his skin. 

 

“Sorry,” Even laughs, and then shifts on his feet, almost bouncing. “I’m sneaking outside. Join me?” 

 

With that, he turns and leaves through the back door. Isak blinks. 

 

Can they do that? God, he wants to leave so badly, but he thinks he’ll lose his mind if he has to sit alone outside with Even. 

 

Emma catches his eye from across the room, and starts heading towards him. Shit. He turns around and follows Even outside. 

 

**Fredag 18:36**

 

He finds Even sitting on the back of a bench, a lit joint in his hand. In his head, he’s debating turning away before Even sees him, jogging away from this stupid meeting and the stupid school and the nauseating feeling in his stomach. 

 

“Hello,” Even grins. Fuck, it’s too late. He’s been noticed. 

 

Nodding back, he moves to sit down next to Even, purposefully leaving room between the two of them. He still remembers that uncomfortable feeling he’d gotten when their knees touched at the party. 

 

“What do you think of the meeting so far?” Even asks, and Isak sighs, his eyes on his feet. He’s never going to forgive Jonas for this. 

 

He shrugs. “It’s weird,” he mutters, “I wasn’t really paying attention.” He lifts his head, and when he looks up, Even is offering the joint. Thank god for weed. That will definitely make him feel better. 

 

Even laughs. It’s not even funny. “Yeah,” he agrees, “It’s a little weird. Not exactly my scene.” 

 

Isak shakes his head. He brings the joint to his lips, inhales, and exhales smoke. “I’m not even going to be able to get the fucking weed back because none of my friends showed up. This is all a waste of time.” 

 

He realizes his mistake shortly— ‘my’ friends, instead of ‘our’, and not even including Even as one of his friends— but fuck, maybe it’s not a mistake. Even’s not his friend! Isak has known Jonas since they were six, and Magnus since they were fourteen, and Mahdi since… last year, which isn’t that long, but longer than Even. Even has no authority over his friends. Who is he to think he can just weasel in and steal Isak’s friends? He passes the joint back over, slightly irritated. 

 

“Your friends?” Even raises his eyebrows, taking the joint carefully from Isak. 

 

“Yeah,” Isak says, his eyes on his shoes, on the bottom of the bench. He scuffs his foot against the wood. “You know, the ones I’ve been friends with for years.” 

 

“Okay,” Even responds. He inhales, exhales smoke, and falls silent. A beat passes, and he stands. “See you later, Isak. Have a good night.” 

 

Isak finally lifts his head to look at Even. Even’s smile is tight-lipped, and his eyes are open instead of crinkling. He gets the weirdest feeling that he’s fucked up again. Even is clearly irritated, but still polite, and the fact that he doesn’t just snap makes Isak’s skin crawl uncomfortably. 

 

“Yeah,” Isak says again, “Night.” 

 

**Fredag 21:32**

 

_ message with: Jonas Broah Vasquez _

_ from Jonas: dude what is your problem  _

_ from Jonas: why are you being a dick to Even  _

_ to Jonas: im not & there’s no problem. _

_ from Jonas: come on, did he do something to you? what’s the problem? you know I have your back  _

_ to Jonas: I just don’t get why you like him so much. he’s really weird  _

_ from Jonas: dude! we’re weird! he’s cool, and super nice, and he has good weed, and he likes hanging out with us. if there’s a real problem, text me, but if not, be nice. i know you’ll like him.  _

  
  
  



	3. episode three: the rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What’s up with him?” Jonas repeats, as if he doesn’t get it. “What’s up with you?”

**Søndag 10:31**

 

_ group message: the boys  _

_ from Jonas: what are we doing this weekend  _

_ from Mahdi: party _

_ from Magnus: partaaaayy!!!  _

_ from Even: is there a party we’re going to?  _

 

Isak glares at his phone.  _ We,  _ Even says, as if he has a right to join in. 

 

_ from Jonas: probably  _

_ from Even: awesome. Pregame together?  _

_ from Jonas: you can buy us beer, right? We’ll all thrown money in  _

_ from Even: Yes!  _

_ from Jonas: Thanks bro!  _

_ from Mahdi: Who’s hosting?  _

_ from Magnus: meeeeee I can host. <3 Mom <3 is out  _

 

Isak stares at his phone screen. He sighs, clicks his phone off, and stares at the ceiling. Grabbing his laptop, he tentatively slides it open. It’s been on his mind for a while now— Jonas’s ‘Eva Problem’ as a huge reminder— but typing it suddenly feels very daunting. He stares at the google screen, and types in  _ how to know if you’re gay.  _

 

The first thing that pops up is a stupid, probably inaccurate online quiz, but he has to take it anyways. Exhaling, he reads the first question:

 

Question 1: You most often have crushes on

  1. the same gender
  2. different genders 
  3. both a and b. 



 

He thinks back. He likes Emma, right? She’s cute. But Jonas last year… No! Emma. He likes Emma. And Sara before that. And it says most often, anyways. One time was probably a fluke, or whatever. He clicks option b, and moves on. 

 

Question 2: You have had a crush on one of your same-gender friends. 

  1. No
  2. Yes 
  3. I currently do 



 

He expects Jonas’ face to pop in his head, but the last option brings  _ Even’s _ face to the forefront of his mind. No! He quickly closes the tab. There’s no way he likes  _ Even.  _ He hates Even! Even is the most annoying, irritating, friendly, not-friend he’s ever had! 

 

Oh, fuck. 

 

Isak thinks about how he feels when Even walks in the room. 

 

Isak thinks about how he feels when Even’s knee knocks into his, when their fingers touch and a rush runs through him. 

 

Isak thinks about how he feels when he lets their eyes meet, when his stomach jumps into his throat, when the pounding of his heart is so loud in his ears he can’t hear anything else. 

 

He feels like he’s just been punched in the stomach. It’s all crashing down on him. 

 

Taking a shaky breath in, he opens a new tab and quickly types  _ how to force yourself to like girls if you’re gay.  _

 

_ Facebook message:  _

_ from Emma Larzen: Hiiii  _

_ to Emma Larzen: Hey :)  _

 

**Søndag 12:31**

 

Isak groans, rolling over from where he’d fallen asleep again.

 

“Hellooo!” Eskild is cheering, bursting into his room, and flopped down on the bed. Isak sighs, much too tired to deal with this. 

 

“Eskild,” He says, “I’m sleeping.” 

 

“At half past twelve?” 

 

“It’s Sunday. It’s the day of rest.” 

 

Eskild rolls his eyes too dramatically for Isak’s liking. “Did you want to come get lunch with me and Linn?” 

 

Isak wrinkles his nose. “I’m not dressed.” 

 

“No,” Eskild tuts, looking down at Isak’s t-shirt and boxers. “And you haven’t showered. We can bring you back something instead, I assumed you would be a little more presentable, Isak, you never know who’s going to walk in and see you.” 

 

“It’s my room,” Isak furrows his brow. 

 

Eskild shrugs and stands to his feet. He gestures around the room, one hand on the doorknob, “Freshen up a little, would you? Take a shower! Maybe vacuum the floor! Bye Isak!” 

 

**Mandag 10:30**

 

Isak slides into his seat in biology, phone in hand. Jonas and Even have been texting plans for the weekend throughout the school day, and while he’d normally be chill with having plans with Jonas, this is very quickly becoming a  _ Jonas and Even  _ thing. They’re bouncing ideas off each other, coming up with plans together, even chatting about other things in between, making stupid jokes and bonding over their  _ similar opinions  _ or whatever. How did they become friends so fast! Jonas doesn’t even like to socialize! He glares at the latest message. 

 

_ group message: the boys  _

_ from Jonas: yooooo totally agree  _

_ from Even: I know right?  _

_ from Jonas: 100% dude  _

_ from Mahdi: did Isak get my weed back  _

_ from Mahdi: it would be good to have this weekend _

_ from Magnus: Isaaaak  _

_ from Magnus: where are you </3 _

_ from Jonas: Issssy _

_ from Jonas: Yo _

_ from Even: I can supply weed if Isak can’t get it back _

_ to the group: I can get it back. Just fucking chill out, maybe you should’ve shown up to the meeting _

_ from Jonas: dude. Relax. It’s all cool.  _

_ from Magnus: grumpy Isak!!!  _

 

Sana slides into the seat next to him. “Hello,” she says, raising her eyebrows as his phone buzzes three times in a row. “Someone’s popular.” 

 

Isak groans, shoving his phone into his pocket. “Can I have my shit back now?” 

 

Sana stares at him as if he has three heads. “Is that any way to talk to a woman who has something you want?” 

 

Isak groans again, tossing his head back. “Sana, I swear, I can’t do this anymore.” 

 

She shakes her head, and reaches for her bag. He holds out his hand, but their biology teacher interrupts before she can pass it over, and so she shoves it in her hijab. Isak is almost proud of this quick thinking, but he wished she would’ve shoved it into his  _ bag  _ instead. Where it’s meant to be. 

 

“What did you just shove into your burka?” The teacher asks, and Sana scoffs. “Burka?” 

 

“Niqab, then,” she corrects. 

 

Isak spots the chance. “Niqab?” He repeats, exaggerating the first syllable. “You don’t know what it’s called? You don’t know the name of the garment ten percent of your students wear? Are you racist?” 

 

Sana straightens up from next to him, her eyebrows raising as she plays along. 

 

“Okay, what’s it called then?” 

 

“It’s a hijab!” Isak says, waving his arms for dramatic effect. 

 

“Okay, hijab.” The teacher turns around and Sana shoves the weed into his hand. If he looks, he thinks he can see the ghost of a smile tugging up her lips. Isak winks at her, putting it in the front pocket of his bag. 

 

**Tirsdag 12:32**

 

Isak sighs, tapping his fingers on the lunch table.

 

“Yeah, dude,” Magnus says from his left, his hands moving wildly as he talks, “It was insane. You have no idea. Holy fuck, I wish you were in our group then so you could’ve seen it.” 

 

Jonas shakes his head from Isak’s other side, leaning back in his seat. “It wasn’t that insane.” 

 

“It was!” Magnus insists. 

 

Even laughs, and Isak exhales louder. He lets his eyes trace over the lines on Even’s face, before he diverts them down again to avoid being caught. 

 

“Hi!” 

 

When he looks up again, Emma Larzen is smiling at him, bouncing a little on her feet. 

 

“Hi,” he greets back, because anything to get out of this conversation, right? 

 

“So, me and my friend Maria are having a party on Friday,” she gestures to the blonde at her side, “And we were wondering if you guys would come?” 

 

“Friday?” Isak says. He really doesn’t want to go to another party. “Don’t we have to do…. the thing?” 

 

It’s the worst lie ever. 

 

“That’s Saturday,” Jonas waves a hand, completely dismissing it, as if he’s not totally betraying Isak by ruining his excuse. Magnus looks at them both like they have three heads. 

 

“We’ll be there!” Mahdi announces. Isak slumps back in his seat. 

 

“Cool!” Emma smiles at him again, “I’ll text you the address.” 

 

“Cool,” Isak repeats, nodding his head as she walks away. 

 

Mahdi immediately elbows him from the side. “Dude!” He shakes his head, “Why would you try to get out of that?” 

 

Isak opens his mouth, closes it again. He needs an excuse. “It’s just been a lot of… stress, lately.” He tries to sound normal, but he has a way of over-enunciating when he’s lying. “With ehh… my mom.” 

 

“Your mom?” Mahdi shakes his head. It would be rude if he knew, and if Isak wasn’t lying. “So what? My mom has been stressed out since the day I arrived on this Earth, and you’re talking about—“ 

 

“Wait,” Jonas outstretches a hand, successfully stopping Mahdi from talking. “What’s going on with your mom?” 

 

He glances up, Even’s eyes staring into his own. He looks back at the table. “Just… you  _ know, _ ” he lies, “She’s completely insane, but that’s normal, so…” 

 

“In what way?” 

 

Isak shakes his head at Even’s question. It’s not any of his business. “Just… she’s crazy, like actually crazy in the head. She, uh… it’s hard to explain.” 

 

Even opens his mouth to speak again, his expression weirdly scrunched and uncomfortable. “Crazy in  _ the head _ ?” He asks, and Isak doesn’t understand his intention at all. He seems almost concerned, but not for Isak, and there’s a weird glint of hesitant hurt in his eyes. 

 

But Jonas, bless him, mistakes Isak’s stammering as Isak being uncomfortable talking about this, instead of Isak lying. “It’s fine,” he says, his eyes wide and serious, brows slightly furrowed together, “No worries. Uhhh, Even. You have bud?” 

 

Even stares at him a moment longer, his expression unreadable. Then, as if nothing happened, he straightens up and helps Jonas in diverting the conversation away. 

 

Overcome momentarily by guilt— he hasn’t spoken to his mom is weeks— Isak pulls out his phone. He scrolls through his text conversation with his mom. 

 

_ 1 week ago, from Mamma: But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of BURNING sulfur.  _

 

_ 3 days ago, from Mamma: and let us not be afraid, for His divine Greatness shines through us  _

 

Isak takes a deep breath in. 

 

_ to Mamma: Hi Mamma. I’ve been busy with school. Hope everything’s okay. Hugs. Isak  _

 

**Onsdag 2:31**

 

Isak stares at the ceiling, willing his body to shut down and go to sleep. It doesn’t work. He closes his eyes for a full three minutes, and still doesn’t find himself any closer to drifting off. 

 

He exhales, rolls onto his side, and pulls the blankets completely over his head. 

 

**Torsdag 16:32**

 

_ group message: the boys  _

_ from Jonas: did everyone throw in for beer  _

_ from Even: Think so. I’ll get it  _

_ from Magnus: :* :* for Even  _

_ from Even: <3 for Mags _

_ from Mahdi: :* for the beer  _

_ from Jonas: shut up  _

 

_ message with: Even Bech Næsheim  _

_ from Even: I noticed you seem more stressed today. Everything okay?  _

 

_ message with: Jonas Broah Vasquez _

_ from Jonas: how’s your mom?  _

_ to Jonas: ehhhh… it is how it is  _

_ from Jonas: and is it bad?  _

_ to Jonas: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  _

_ from Jonas: that’s not an answer!  _

_ from Jonas: you’ll tell me if you need something?  _

_ to Jonas: yes  _

_ from Jonas: <3  _

_ to Jonas: <3  _

 

_ message with: Even Bech Næsheim _

_ to Even: it’s fine  _

 

**Fredag 20:34**

 

Isak drops his head into his hand, propped up on the table by his elbow. From his left, Jonas has a blunt between his fingers and a permanent smile on his face. 

 

Magnus runs a hand through his hair, reaching for a can of beer. “Dude,” he says, “Are we really smoking inside?” 

 

Even laughs. “I’ll help you air it out,” he promises. 

 

Magnus points at him, his arm flopping lazily. “This guy,” he says.

 

Isak rolls his eyes. He snatches a beer, opens it, and downs half the can. Jonas watches him with raised brows. 

 

“Alright, Even, since this is your first Nissen party, it’s normal to be a little surprised,” Magnus nods his head, as if he’s explaining something they don’t know.  

 

“Dude,” Mahdi puts a hand over his face. Isak sips beer. 

 

Even tosses his head back and laughs, his expression relaxed and happy from the blunt he’s been sharing with Jonas. “It’s my second, you know,” he says, “You don’t remember our first meeting? I’m a little hurt.” 

 

Magnus groans, outstretching a hand to pat Even’s shoulder. “Oh, dude, dude,” he shakes his head, “You’re so right. My bad.” 

 

Isak rolls his eyes. 

 

“Where’d you go last year?” He speaks up, surprising even himself. His friends quiet down.  

 

“Elvebakken,” Even tells him, his expression going weird again. 

 

“Why’d you transfer?” 

 

Even looks at him for a moment, clears his throat awkwardly and gestures to their empty cans. “More beer?” He asks, and stands before anyone can answer, heading towards the kitchen to get it. 

 

Isak scrunches his expression up. “That was weird,” he tells Jonas, as if it’s an inside thing, “What do you think is up with him?” 

 

“What’s up with him?” Jonas repeats, as if he doesn’t get it. “What’s up with you?” 

 

Isak furrows his brow. “What?” 

 

“Yeah,” Mahdi pipes up, “You’ve been weird lately.” 

 

“I’m not  _ weird. _ ”

 

“You are though!” Jonas keeps his voice low, trying to avoid it carrying out of the room. “You’re always acting like a dick to Even, and lately you’ve been grumpy and upset all the time. What’s up with you?” 

 

“I…” Isak opens his mouth, and shuts it again. “Even is weird, don’t you see? I have a  _ gut feeling  _ you know, and whenever he’s around I feel nervous and… hot.” 

 

Jonas is staring at him, forehead slightly wrinkled in suspicion, something lighting up in his eyes. 

 

Magnus’s jaw has gone slack. “Isak,” He starts, weirdly tentative. 

 

Magnus shuts his mouth when Even walks back in the room, case of beer in hand. 

 

Isak leans over and snatches his jacket off the arm of the couch. “I have to go,” he says, and walks out the front door, ignoring the questions behind him. 

 

**Fredag 21:20**

 

“Isak!” 

 

Isak doesn’t stop walking, his head down, hands shoved in his pockets. It’s just started to drizzle, his hood over his head acting like a shield. 

 

“Isak!” 

 

He stops suddenly. Whirling around, he sticks his chin up defiantly. “What?” 

 

In front of him, Even looks slightly surprised, as if he didn’t really expect Isak to stop. His hands are in his pockets as well, and from where he’s stopped under the streetlight, Isak can see his nose is tinged with red from the cold. 

 

“I…” He starts lamely. 

 

Isak shakes his head. “Why are you following me?”

 

“I don’t understand why you hate me so much,” Even blurts out, so fast that it’s almost one word. It’s the first time Isak’s seen him act so… not cool. Not suave at all. “I’ve seen how you’re stressed lately, and if I’ve done something to make it worse… I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention.” 

 

“I don’t…” Isak starts to tell Even that he doesn’t hate him, but instead he groans in frustration. Why does it have to be so hard to sort through his feelings? He doesn’t know what he feels anymore. One minute he’s angry, the next he’s guilty, or sad, or confused. He’s so fucking confused. “I just…”    
  


He huffs out a breath, clenches his fists at his sides in courage. 

 

“You just… you just walked in here, and stole all my friends!” It’s not how he intended to start, but it’s a start nonetheless. 

 

“And I don’t know how to handle it, because you’re always there, so I have no one to talk to. And every time I’m around you, I feel… weird, and confused, and kind of angry, and when you talk to me I’m nervous, and my skin feels like,  _ burning hot  _ when you touch it.” 

 

Even tilts his head back, looking up to the sky when it starts to rain harder. His hair is wet in seconds, dripping around his face. 

 

“Isak,” he says, and his voice sounds weird to Isak’s ears, almost wavering. “Are you nervous now?” 

 

Isak breathes out a quiet exhale. Even’s voice is enough to make his heart pound in his chest. “No,” he lies.

 

Their eyes meet, and Even takes one step forwards, until there’s only a foot or so of space between them. “Now?” He asks, even softer. 

 

“A little,” Isak whispers back. 

 

Even bridges the remaining gap in one step, both of his hands pulling out of his pockets to cup Isak’s cheeks, pressing their lips together. All at once, the tension leaves Isak’s body, until he melts, his hands finding their natural place on Even’s skin. 

 

He never got the appeal of kissing in the rain before. It seems like it would be too wet, too cold, too uncomfortable, only romanticized because Ryan Gosling did it. But now he thinks he’s never been more comfortable than he is right now, with Even pulling him closer, Even’s mouth on his own, the water washing over them as if to cleanse Isak from the past, of everything he’s done wrong up to this point. They’re both shivering a little, and Isak is soaked through his clothes, but warmth radiates from his chest. 

 

When they separate, he grabs Even’s hand tightly and pulls him along to Kollektivet. 


	4. episode four: don’t think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from Jonas: Anyone heard from Isak?  
> from Magnus: not since he left :(  
> from Magnus: ISAAAK  
> from Mahdi: ISAAAAK  
> from Jonas: And Even left after him?  
> from Magnus: EVEEEN  
> from Mahdi: EVEEEEN

**Fredag 22:01**

 

Isak’s heart is pounding so loud in his ears that he can hardly hear anything else. And with the rain hitting the pavement all he can hear is _thump thump thump,_ his heart beating out of time with the drops.

 

He turns his head, just enough to see Even to his left, connected by their intertwined hands. When he looks at Even, he can’t help but laugh.

 

What the fuck is going on? He doesn’t even understand it himself.

 

One minute he’s stomping his foot and clenching his fists and storming away from Even, and the next minute they’re kissing in the rain and holding hands and giggling as they jog down the street together.

 

Even laughs too, but he doesn’t look nearly as bewildered as Isak feels. He looks _happy._ Even though his face is streaked with rain, his lashes wet and clumped together, hair sticking to his face.

He pushes it back off his forehead, and flashes Isak a grin. Isak’s heart _thumps_ louder in his chest.

 

When they tumble into Kollektivet, Even runs into wall, and his shoes are squeaking, and Isak can’t stop giggling all the way to his room. He pulls his shoes off in the hall, motioning for Even to do the same. They’re soaking wet, but he doesn’t care.

 

Isak gives Even a pile of dry clothes and shows him where the shower is.

 

Once he’s changed and in bed, it hits him like a ton of bricks.

 

What is he supposed to tell his friends? What is he supposed to tell _Even_?

 

He pulls his phone out of his pocket. It’s dead. He leaves it that way and throws it to the side of his room.

 

Pressing his hands against his eyes, he takes a deep breath in. He’s really fucked now.

 

When Even comes back in, something in Isak’s face must reveal his stupid internal confusion, because Even tilts his head and smiles empathetically.

 

“We don’t have to talk about it yet,” he says, crossing the room to Isak’s bed.

 

“I’m just thinking.” Isak rolls his eyes, feigning as much nonchalance as he can.

 

“Don’t think.” Even smiles, as if he’s just solved all of Isak’s problems.

 

**Lørdag 12:34**

 

Isak’s eyes are closed. The smell of weed smoke is starting to fill his room. His hand brushes softly back through someone else’s hair, almost tentatively. His lips move, in slow, languid kisses, and he sighs, quietly, contentedly, into Even’s mouth.

 

Even has a lit joint in one hand, and a mug being used as an ashtray in the other, resting casually on his stomach. He is lying parallel to Isak, but upside down, his feet dangling off the edge of the bed while Isak’s rest by the wall. Tilting his chin up, he kisses Isak once, twice, three times, and Isak slowly opens his eyes, just in time to see Even pull away and inhale smoke. Isak’s hand falls from his hair, reluctant, a little anxious to break the physical contact. He moves his fingers quietly down to touch Even’s hoodie, tentatively, as if he’s not sure he’s allowed.

 

Not Even’s hoodie. _His_ hoodie. Next to him, Even is dressed in Isak’s shirt, Isak’s open hoodie, Isak’s sweatpants. They’re all just a tad too short for him, making it even clearer that they’re _Isak’s._ A little overwhelmed, Isak toys with one of the strings on the hoodie Even is wearing.

 

Even exhales, the smoke cloud drifting through his room uninterrupted by the still fan.

 

He tilts his head down slightly, trying to make eye contact with Isak. His eyebrows raise. “Doing okay?”

  
  
His voice makes Isak’s heart _thump_ loudly in his ears. Isak hums softly to agree, and reaches over to steal the joint.

 

Just slightly, one corner of his mouth pulls up into a little smile. That sick feeling in his stomach is more fluttery, more intoxicating. Maybe he’s just high. Just as he brings the joint to his lips, Even says, “You know, we met while smoking weed too.”

 

Isak exhales, coughs out a quiet chuckle. His voice is only a little above a whisper when he speaks again. “I feel like we’re meeting for the first time now.”

 

Even takes a breath in.  “For a while there, I thought you hated me.”

 

Isak’s eyes flicker to the ceiling. “Me too,” he says quietly.

 

Even looks at him. Something in his face tells Isak he understands, but it’s shadowed by tentative hurt. “Come up here?” He asks, sliding towards the wall.

 

Isak flips around so they’re facing the same way. Even wraps an arm around his waist, and he lets himself be pulled up close, until his head rests on Even’s shoulder, laying on his stomach with Even’s arm around his shoulders.

 

“I think…” Isak mumbles, feeling more confident now that his face is slightly hidden. He feels naked, exposing his feelings to Even and leaving himself vulnerable. “I’m sorry.”

 

They need to talk. ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t really cut it, but he doesn’t know what else to say.

 

Even hums, rubbing a quiet hand over his back. “I’m sorry too, for making you uncomfortable,” he says.

 

Isak huffs out an exhale. “No,” he mutters, “It’s… anything you did would’ve made me mad. You couldn’t have done anything right. It’s just me. I’m just confused.”

 

Even’s fingers trace quietly over his shoulder, the top of his arm. He hums, patiently urging Isak to continue without really saying anything.

 

“I’ve never…” Isak takes a deep breath. “I’ve never liked a guy before.”

 

Sure, last year he’d thought it would be nice to kiss Jonas. And maybe he wanted to sleep next to Jonas, and maybe his heart fluttered in his chest when Jonas smiled at him, but it wasn’t serious. It wasn’t like _this._ The weight of his feelings presses down on his chest, all piling up there.

 

He breathes in. Even draws ovals on his shoulders, and then flattens his hand, squeezing Isak close.

 

“Does it scare you?” He asks.

 

Isak swallows. “Yeah,” he whispers, and then shakes his head. “Or… less, now that we’re like this. Less that you’re here. I didn’t realize what it was at first. And now you’re here, and… blah blah blah.”

 

Even chuckles. “Blah blah blah?” He repeats, pressing a kiss to Isak’s head, “Good story.”

 

**Lørdag 14:34**

 

“Are you going to stay in there all day?”

 

Isak groans quietly, lifting his head off of Even’s chest. He realizes the implications behind Eskild’s words, and familiar anxiety starts to gnaw at his chest. He fights the urge to rip away from Even right here— but Even’s hand brushes through his hair, and he seems undisturbed, and the closed door blocks them from being seen.

 

“I’m sleeping!” He snaps.

 

“Okay…” Eskild sounds tentative, “Whose shoes are in the hallway?”

 

Isak’s expression scrunches up. He’s been so content until now, happy to ignore everything and snuggle up to Even. He _likes_ Even. It’s taken him a long time to realize it, but… he _really likes_ Even. The nervousness is fading into butterflies in his stomach, the anxiety melting away as Even seems so cool with it. So chill, so relaxed, that Isak starts to relax too. A little.

 

He’s okay with liking Even (kind of), as long as Even’s here, but he’s definitely not okay with people finding out.

 

“They’re… they’re Jonas’s! I borrowed them!”

 

He lifts his eyes just slightly, watching as Even’s eyebrows raise.

 

“Why are they soaking wet?”

 

Isak groans in annoyance. “I’m sleeping, Eskild!”

 

He turns, and buries his face into Even’s sweater. Even chuckles, one arm sliding around him.

 

**Søndag 10:32**

 

When Isak wakes up, the bed next to him is empty.  He sighs, maybe a little too dramatically, and shoves his face back in the pillow.

 

When he rolls over again, his hand smacks into a piece of paper on the pillow opposite his own.

 

“Shit,” he mutters, and takes the card, sliding it open. It’s a cartoon drawing— of himself, if the snapback and curls are any indication— and he’s frowning, his face all scrunched up.

 

On the other side of the card, is another cartoon drawing of himself, but he looks happy, and little cartoon water drops fill the rest of the page.

 

‘Two different places in the universe…’ the second half is titled, with a quick note scribbled underneath it: ‘Had to go. Lunch with my mom. You look hot when you’re sleeping. P.S., charge your phone xx’

 

Isak groans, but he folds the card carefully back closed, and holds it to his chest for a second before setting it back down.

 

Tentatively, he plugs his phone into the wall.

 

**Søndag 12:32**

 

_group message: the boys_

_fredag 22:40_

_from Jonas: Anyone heard from Isak?_

_from Magnus: not since he left :(_

_from Magnus: ISAAAK_

_from Mahdi: ISAAAAK_

_from Jonas: And Even left after him?_

_from Magnus: EVEEEN_

_from Mahdi: EVEEEEN_

_from Mahdi: yeah maybe they’ll make up or something_

_from Mahdi: what’s the deal with those two anyways?_

_from Magnus: ohhhh Even, I’m so nervous when you’re around, you make me blush and tingle <3 _

_from Jonas: hey watch it!_

_from Jonas: Isak don’t read that_

_from Magnus: dude that’s literally what he said_

_from Jonas: I don’t think so, I think it was more like he hates Even because he’s friendship jealous or something_

_from Jonas: Isak you’re my number one bro_

_from Magnus: nah dude I think I’m right_

_from Jonas: let him figure that out then, don’t push_

_from Mahdi: omg_

 

_message with: Guru Eskild _

_fredag 23:45_

_from Guru Eskild: ISAK_

_from Guru Eskild: Did you bring someone home?!!??!_

_from Guru Eskild: I heard you try to sneak in. Unsuccessful!!_

 

_message with: Jonas Broah Vasquez _

_lørdag 9:23_

_from Jonas: everything okay? We didn’t hear from you last night_

_from Jonas: if you’re really uncomfortable with Even, I’ll talk to him and sort it out_

_from Jonas: you’re my best friend, okay?_

_from Jonas: <3 _

 

_message with: Mamma _

_lørdag 10:22_

_from Mamma: the fountains of the deep and the floodgates of the sky were closed, and the rain from the sky was restrained_

 

_message with: Guru Eskild _

_lørdag 14:20_

_from Guru Eskild: whose shoes are in the hall?_

_from Guru Eskild: do you have a boy over???? Can I meet him???_

_from Guru Eskild: why are both pairs of shoes soaking wet_

_from Guru Eskild: did you get caught in the rain??? how romantic!!!_

 

_message with: Magnus Fossbaken _

_lørdag 15:43_

_from Magnus: hey dude you okay? sorry I made fun of you lol_

_from Magnus: anyways hit one of us up, love you_

 

_group message: the boys _

_lørdag 22:34_

_from Mahdi: rip isak_

_from Magnus: you will be missed :(_

_from Jonas: shut up_

 

_message with: Jonas Broah Vasquez _

_to Jonas: all is okay. just at home, phone died Friday_

_to Jonas: <3 _

 

_group message: the boys _

_to the boys: phone died. sorry_

_from Magnus: for two days?_

_from Magnus: what happened with Even_

_to the boys: Nothing happened. I’m at home._

 

_message with: Even Bech Næsheim _

_to Even: please don’t tell anyone yet_

_to Even: I’m not ready for our friends to know_

_from Even: our friends? :))))_

_from Even: And of course. Whenever you’re ready, no pressure at all._

 

**Mandag 10:35**

 

It hits Isak like a freight train when he’s back at school. The tiny happy bubble he’s been in with Even is broken, and now he’s just… alone. And kind of scared.

 

He swallows, and lifts his head from his table to make eye contact with Sana. She lifts a brow.

 

“Homework?”

 

“Shit,” he mutters. “I forgot.”

 

Sana hums, sliding her paper towards him. “I put your name on it.”

 

Isak’s mouth pulls into a smile, and he nods at her, but guilt starts to pool in his stomach. Would she still be so nice if she knew about him? If she knew he has a thing with Even? With a boy?

 

“Sana…” He starts, his brows furrowing together. “How can you follow a religion that… that condemns homosexuality?”

 

Sana stares at him, expressionless. Slowly, her eyes narrow. “Do you really know anything about Islam to be asking me about it?”

 

Isak opens his mouth, and then shuts it again. “I know that… I know it says homosexuality is wrong.”

 

Sana clicks her pen once. “Islam says that all people are of equal worth,” she says. Her eyes are narrowed, her expression irritated, but her words are slightly soft, the weirdest bit of sweetness there. “And that no one should be mocked, ridiculed, or hurt. Regardless of homosexuality. This is the most important part.”

 

He breaks eye contact to look back at the table, nodding his head.

 

**Mandag 12:33**

 

Isak slides into his seat at lunch much more tentatively than he usually does. Anxiety builds in his stomach, more fearful than angry now. To his left, Jonas, then beside Jonas is Even, then Magnus, then Mahdi completes the circle back by Isak.

 

Whatever conversation they’re having goes quiet when Isak sits down.

 

He nods at Jonas, who starts to talk again, trying to ease into it.

 

“Hey, isn’t your birthday on Saturday?” Jonas asks Magnus, who nods.

 

“Yeah, dude! But, Isak! What happened Friday?”

 

Isak sighs. “Nothing happened,” he shakes his head, coming off maybe a little snappier than intended.

 

He feels weird, almost anxious, to be around Even and his friends at the same time. He lifts his eyes, and Even is already looking at him. The corner of Even’s mouth pulls into a smile. Isak takes a deep breath.

 

“Seriously, I just went home.”

 

“Really?” Magnus sounds weirdly disappointed. “Did Even go with you?”

 

Isak scrunches his expression up, a weird mix of anxious and frustrated. “ _No,_ ” he stresses, “Why would Even go with me? That’s weird. I just went home.”

 

Even nods. “I went home too,” he tries to back Isak up, “I was feeling pretty tired. What are we doing for Mags’ birthday?”

 

Jonas nods, but he looks between the two of them twice, trying to discern what’s going on. “Alright,” he says, and then, trying to help both of them, starts talking again. “I was thinking we would—“

 

“No!” Magnus interrupts, “Surprise me!”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should be obvious by now, but there’s no Sonja because I don’t want to be that mean to Isak. I mean, he’s struggling already!


	5. episode five: fifa / do you know even?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s almost exciting, stealing glances at Even from the corner of his eye, catching Even looking back at him. They have this huge secret, something that’s just theirs— and Isak is basking in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short one, because the lørdag (magnus’s birthday) clip was way too long for this chapter. that’ll be next one (:

**Tirsdag 10:43**

 

_ group message: the boys  _

_ from Jonas: I have a plan  _

_ from Even: for Mags birthday?  _

_ from Mahdi: better be good bro  _

_ from Magnus: no!!!!  _

_ from Jonas: ugh I forgot he doesn’t want to know  _

 

Isak flips his phone over on the desk, sighing dramatically. The secret from his friends is sitting like a rock in his stomach. Sana’s eyebrows raise, and he shakes his head. 

 

“Friend drama?” She says, and he bites the inside of his lip. It’s none of her business, anyways. But when he looks at her again, her expression isn’t teasing or condescending at all. She actually looks a bit concerned for him. 

 

“Ehh…” he shakes his head, shrugging as he fumbles through an excuse. “Friend drama, family drama… too much stress.” 

 

Sana hums politely, flipping the page in her textbook. “Well,” she says, sliding the book in between them so they can study together. “If you ever need someone to talk to, Isak, I give very good advice.” 

 

Isak’s expression changes subtly— his eyes widen slightly, and he swallows around the lump in his throat. It’s so nice that he feels a little bit emotional.  _ Stupid.  _

 

“Thanks,” he mutters quietly, ducking his head to look down at the desk. 

 

When he lifts his head again, Sana is smiling at him, soft and easy. 

 

He smiles back, close-mouthed and small and sincere. 

 

“Okay,” Sana says, “Time to study?” 

 

“Time to study,” he agrees. Just as she starts reading the paragraph aloud, he lifts his head to look around the room. 

 

From across the room, his eyes lock with Emma Larzen’s. 

 

Shit. He hasn’t returned her texts, and she hasn’t started a new conversation— he’d assumed things were over between them. Or never really started? 

 

Emma nods at him, and then turns back to her friends, and Isak breathes out a sigh of relief. 

 

**Tirsdag 20:34**

 

_ Jonas Broah Vasquez has added you, Even Bech Næsheim, and Mahdi Disi to a chat  _

 

_ Jonas Broah Vasquez has changed the name of the chat to ‘Mags Party Planners’  _

 

_ group message: Mags Party Planners _

_ from Mahdi: party planners? like we are old office ladies?  _

_ from Jonas: I was trying to do an alliteration thing _

_ from Even: I like it J! you said you had a plan?  _

_ from Jonas: Alright, here it goes. Issy? Ready?  _

_ to ‘Mags Party Planners’: yes sergeant stonas  _

_ from Even: that’s the best nickname I’ve ever heard _

_ to ‘Mags Party Planners’: ik i’m so clever  _

_ from Jonas: okay, mahdi, on Saturday you have to go get magnus out of the house, pretend like you’re the only one that remembered his birthday  _

_ from Mahdi: hell yeah, I’m the good friend _

_ from Even: what are we doing?  _

_ from Jonas: we…… are setting up the surprise party  _

_ to ‘Mags Party Planners’: awesome  _

 

**Onsdag 14:53**

 

Isak walks into his group of friends in the courtyard, shoving his hands into his pockets as he stops in between Mahdi and Jonas. 

 

“Hey, bro,” Jonas greets him, turning to shake Isak’s hand in some weird bro-shake they’ve been doing forever. 

 

“What’s up?” Mahdi nods, leaning in to fist bump him. He shakes Magnus’s hand while he’s at it, and then glances up to Even— tall, blonde, gracefully clad in his typical jacket. 

 

Isak’s mouth curls into a tiny smile, looking up a bit shyly at Even. Even smiles back, nodding. “Hello,” he says, and Isak realizes that it’s maybe a bit weird that he’s just smiling at Even instead of greeting him like the rest of their friends. No one seems to notice, anyways. 

 

“Hey,” he mutters back, lifting his chin once in a nod. “So, plan?” 

 

Jonas relays him the plan, for the five of them to stop and get kebabs, and make their way to his place after so he can school Magnus at FIFA. Isak, however, has a very hard time focusing on the conversation. It’s so much harder to pretend to be normal around Even now that they’ve spent that weekend together. It’s like all of his anger has faded into a weird mix of anxiety and adoration for the stupid smile on Even’s face. All he wants is to go back to that Saturday where they spent the whole day in bed, all he wants to do is kiss Even right  _ here  _ and right  _ now _ and hug him tight— but he can’t. He can’t, because everyone else will know then, and that idea makes his chest clench. 

 

“Yo, hello? Earth to Isak? You in?” Mahdi nudges his shoulder into Isak’s, ripping him from his thoughts. 

 

“What? In? Yes,” he answers, almost on instinct. Magnus lets out a loud whoop, fisting the air as if Isak joining them is the greatest news he’s ever heard. Even laughs along with him, but Jonas’s eyes stay on Isak, scanning his face carefully. 

 

**Onsdag 13:45**

 

Isak is squished on the couch in between Even and Magnus. There is barely enough room for the five of them, but they’ve piled on it anyways. Mahdi sits on the end, currently commentating while Jonas, next to him, battles Magnus. Magnus has his legs slightly spread, which forces Even’s thigh to press against Isak’s, and Isak needs to focus somewhere else  _ very quickly.  _

 

“Fuck!” Magnus complains, “Were you guys practicing without me?” 

 

Mahdi laughs, loud and long, snatching the controller from Magnus so he can properly school Jonas. He’s better than any of them. “No, dude, you’re just shit,” he comments, “You’re worse than Isak.” 

 

“Hey!” Isak lifts his head, drawn out of his Even trance. It’s almost exciting, stealing glances at Even from the corner of his eye, catching Even looking back at him. They have this huge secret, something that’s just theirs— and Isak is basking in it. 

 

“I’m not shit,” he mutters, “You and Jonas are just addicted to the stupid controller.” 

 

“Isak’s pretty decent,” Jonas pipes up, “Mahdi’s the best.” 

 

“Aww, thanks bro,” Mahdi coos, knocking his shoulder into Jonas. 

 

Once their match finishes, Even extends one long arm and takes the controller. His eyes meet Isak’s for a split second, and Isak can’t even look back at him, his cheeks flushing red. Even raises his eyebrows, a silent question to make sure Isak is okay. He is. He’s okay. Maybe a little overwhelmed. 

 

“I’m getting another beer,” Isak says, “Anyone else?” 

 

All of his friends agree back to him as a chorus, except Even. 

 

“You don’t drink much,” Magnus comments, “Is that like a religious thing?” 

 

Everyone’s eyes shift to Even, and Even shifts slightly on the couch. 

 

“No, not so much,” Even disagrees, his eyes still on the screen from where he’s battling Mahdi. “It’s more of a… health thing.” He’s been sipping on the same beer thus far, and it’s not even half empty. 

 

_ A health thing _ ? Isak blinks in confusion. Is something wrong with Even, medically? He searches his brain for things he’s learned in bio, on the internet, and even briefly considers asking Even himself— but he notices how uncomfortable Even looks, and decides that Even should have a choice on when to reveal that. 

 

“There’s seltzer if you want it,” Jonas offers kindly. 

 

Even turns his head to smile at Jonas, and promptly loses. “Fuck, that’s cheating!” He says, and Mahdi just laughs. 

 

“Ehh, should I bring you one?” Isak gestures to the kitchen, still halfway up. 

 

“Yeah, I’ll have one,” Even agrees, but then because he’s  _ Even _ , he stands and follows Isak into the kitchen. 

 

Isak ducks out of the living room, Even at his heels. It’s a bit quieter in the kitchen. He can hear Magnus cackling, and the noise from the television, but not much else. 

 

His whole demeanor changes once they’re inside, and he loosens up considerably. 

 

“Doing okay?” Even asks aloud this time, and Isak exhales in a short huff. 

 

“Yes,” Isak hums, tilting his chin up to look at Even. Even’s expression softens in that way it always does whenever he looks at Isak. “It’s kind of exciting,” Isak continues, “Sneaking around.” 

 

Even’s eyes widen in surprise, and he tosses his head back to laugh. “A little,” he agrees. But his expression changes, a bit more serious, a soft smile on his lips. “But I think it would be nicer if you were free to be yourself.” 

 

Isak stiffens, a cold thrill of anxiety rushing through his chest. “I’m not ready to tell them.” 

 

“Hey,” Even says softly, stepping forward. He takes Isak’s hand, interlocks their fingers. “There’s no rush, Is. It’s whenever you’re ready.” A beat passes, as he takes a short pause to let Isak absorb it. “But they love you, and they would love you regardless.” 

 

Isak can feel himself getting a bit emotional, so he scrunches his expression grumpily, turning his head away. “Ugh,” he groans quietly, “You’re so sappy.”

 

Even just smiles at him. 

 

“I feel like I’m lying to them,” he says. 

 

“You’re not,” Even responds, “It’s okay to wait until you’re ready.” 

 

Isak lifts his eyes to look at Even through his lashes. “I’m sorry I was so mean,” he says quietly, “They’re your friends too and… and I’m glad Jonas likes you so much.” 

 

Even smiles at him like he always does, though Isak can see in his eyes how important this is. It’s so important to Even, and maybe he doesn’t quite understand why, but he feels bad for ruining it in the beginning. 

 

“You were just confused,” Even assures, opening the fridge. “It’s okay. I’ve forgiven you.” 

 

“Okay,” Isak breathes, moving to help Even carry the beers. 

 

As they cross from the kitchen into the living room, Isak cracks a beer, tenses up again, and continues lying. 

 

**Onsdag 22:33**

 

_message_ _with_ : _Jonas_ _Broah_ _Vasquez_

_ from Jonas: so everything is okay between you and Even now?  _

_ from Jonas: how did that happened  _

_ to Jonas: ehhh, yeah it’s fine  _

_ to Jonas: we talked a bit  _

_ from Jonas: And?  _

_ to Jonas: turns out I was being kind of dramatic  _

_ from Jonas: totally dude, that’s what I said.  I’m happy you worked it out  _

 

**Torsdag 11:22**

 

“Sana?” 

 

Isak catches her attention just as she’s zipping her bag shut. Class has just ended, and most people are pouring out of the classroom, but Isak’s heart is pounding in his chest. 

 

She stops what she’s doing, and turns to look at him. Her expression is a bit irritated at first, but it softens when she sees how anxious he looks. “Yes, Isabel?” 

 

“I wanted to…” Isak takes a deep breath. He tries to convince himself it doesn’t matter how this turns out. It doesn’t matter what she says or does. It’s not like she’s Jonas. “Can I tell you something?” 

 

Sana places her bag back on the floor, and settles into her desk. “Okay,” She nods. 

 

“Okay,” Isak repeats, stalling. He furrows his eyebrows together, picking at the edge of the desk, purposefully looking at it instead of the girl next to him. “Do you know Even, in the third year?” 

 

“From Kosegruppa?” Sana asks. 

 

Isak immediately nods. Shit, he’s forgotten Kosegruppa was even a thing. “Yeah, from Kosegruppa.” 

 

She stares, waiting for him to continue. When he doesn’t, she asks, “What about Even?” 

 

Sometimes Isak is amazed at how patient Sana is. His heart is pounding so loud in his ears that he can hardly think. His stomach twists nauseatingly, anxiety rising quickly in his throat like bile, making him feel even queasier. “We…” he pauses again, allows himself to look up at her. “We have a thing.”   

 

“A romantic thing?” Sana asks. 

 

He nods again. 

 

“Okay,” Sana says, nodding her head. She smiles at Isak, tilting her head just a little. “That’s cool, Isak. He’s a very nice guy.” 

 

Isak stares at her a minute longer, waiting for her to tell him it’s wrong, or disgusting, or something else bad. When she doesn’t, he breaks into a little smile, exhaling in relief. “Yeah,” he agrees, feeling sort of weightless, “Yeah, he’s a really…” 

 

Shaking his head, he trails off, remembering what he meant to say. “But um, don’t tell anyone?” It’s meant to be a statement, but sounds more like a question. “I mean… it’s kind of a secret.” 

 

Sana leans in. “Lucky for you,” she smiles, “I’m the master of keeping secrets.” 

 

Isak breaks into a grin so wide that it hurts his cheeks. 


	6. episode six: his name is even / this party rocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re not a liar.”
> 
> “No,” Isak sighs like a petulant child. Why can’t he understand? It’s so obvious. “Lying by not saying anything is still lying ‘cause… ‘s about who you are, ‘n they all think you’re different.” 
> 
> Even’s face falls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY!!! chapters 7/8 are already mostly written so it’ll be less of a wait

**Fredag 21:34**

 

Isak yawns, one hand stretching up to cover his mouth. There’s a textbook laying in front of him, and he’s sprawled out on his stomach in the bed, forcing his eyes to focus on the same paragraph he’s been reading for the past ten minutes. His phone buzzes. 

 

_ message with: Even Bech Næsheim  _

_ from Even: What are you doing tonight?  _

 

Isak smiles stupidly at his phone, like a teenager in love. 

 

_ to Even: studying biology :(  _

_ from Even: Ahhh, I better not keep you from it. Wouldn’t want Sana to be disappointed :)  _

 

His hands hesitate over the screen, and then he types the message quickly, sending it immediately before he can decide against it. 

 

_ to Even: I told Sana that we have a thing.  _

_ from Even: Really?  _

 

Isak reads way too far into that text, trying rapidly to discern if that’s good or bad. 

 

_ to Even: is that ok?  _

_ to Even: I wanted to tell someone before Jonas. Like a trial  _

_ from Even: Of course! I’m so proud of you Issy <3 _

_ from Even: How did it go?  _

 

Issy. Isak rolls his eyes. Fucking Jonas, getting everyone to use the nickname he gave Isak when they were kids. Before he can respond, Eskild is bursting into his room, one hand over his eyes, the other behind his back. “Are you decent?” He asks, and Isak rolls his eyes again. 

 

“Eskild,” he says, feigning exasperation, “You can just knock.” 

 

Eskild’s hand falls from his eyes, and he dramatically waves it in Isak’s direction.  “I got you a gift,” he says cheerily, holding out an air freshener. “Tada! For your stinky room.”

 

Isak scoffs, but he can’t help but smile as Eskild places it into his hand. “Lavender?” He asks, shaking his head. “Okay, thanks.” 

 

He expects that to be it, but Eskild sits down on his bed. “Umm,” he stalls, and Isak is already mentally preparing himself. “Just in case, you know, you get any visits from your… that guy. Or anyone else.” 

 

Isak looks down. So Eskild knows, or thinks he knows— it’s not like they were subtle coming in on that Friday night, and he did leave Even’s shoes in the hall, too big to be his or Jonas’s, and soaking wet alongside his own….

 

“Eskild,” He says quietly. 

 

Eskild’s head snaps up in interest. 

 

“I just wanted to tell you…” Isak takes a deep breath. It feels a little  _ unfair  _ that he has to do this multiple times to everyone he knows. He doesn’t want to have to continuously come out forever. Maybe it’ll get easier, maybe he’ll get better at it, maybe one day he’ll be able to casually drop ‘my boyfriend’ into a conversation without it feeling like a huge deal— but now it’s so daunting and horrible and scary that he has to sit everyone down and tell them. It’s so  _ tiring.  _

 

“I just wanted to tell you that… the guy who was in my room, his name is Even.” 

 

He pauses for too long. Eskild nods, smiling at him like he wants to do cartwheels but instead is pretending to be casual. 

 

“And we have a thing. A… romantic thing. Together.” 

 

“He’s your boyfriend?” Eskild asks, too much enthusiasm leaking into his voice. 

 

“I don’t know,” Isak mutters, “Not officially.” 

 

Eskild reaches over and places a hand on his knee, squeezing it. “That’s great, Isak!” He says enthusiastically, “That’s amazing. But, ehh… How do you feel about it? Do you want to be official with Even?” 

 

Isak knew Eskild would be fine. It’s  _ Eskild.  _ Eskild is gay himself, and he seems to love Isak in some weird mother/mentor way. Still, his face falls a little at how easily Eskild just accepted it. Does he come off  _ gay _ ? Can everyone else tell?

 

“You’re not surprised?” He asks quietly, a little meekly. 

 

Eskild’s smile turns sadder. “Isak,” he says, rubbing his hand from where it sits on Isak’s leg, “The first time we met, you were sitting alone in a gay bar at two am and didn’t want to go home.” 

 

“I didn’t know it was a gay bar,” Isak mumbles. 

 

“Okay,” Eskild says, but it’s clear he doesn’t believe him. “Thank you for telling me. I’m so proud of you. It’s a big step, you know.” 

 

Isak shrugs as nonchalantly as possible, getting a little embarrassed by all of Eskild’s praise. “I just wanted you to know.” 

 

Eskild smiles at him. “But, uh, Even! Really good looking guy, and super nice! I met him in the bathroom, you know, he’s so  _ tall _ , I let him use my shampoo…” 

 

**Fredag 22:45**

 

_ message with: Even Bech Næsheim  _

_ to Even: it was good _

_ to Even: I told my roommate too  _

_ from Even: I’m so happy for you! Was it okay? Which roommate?  _

_ to Even: Eskild  _

_ to Even: it was nice. he called you good looking :P _

_ from Even: Ha! I ran into him, he’s cool. _

_ from Even: How do you feel?  _

_ to Even: a little overwhelmed  _

_ from Even: Just breathe. No stress <3  _

 

_ group message: Mags Party Planners  _

_ from Jonas: tomorrow  _

_ from Mahdi: is going to be FUN  _

_ to Mags Party Planners: I hate when you guys do that  _

_ from Even: Ready to party, Isak?  _

_ to Mags Party Planners: of course, Even. Who do you think I am?  _

_ from Mahdi: you guys are weird _

 

**Lørdag 20:32**

 

Isak pulls a beer out, placing it in the fridge with the rest of them. “Who did you invite?” He calls across the room to Jonas. 

 

Jonas looks up, a bottle of vodka in one hand and a bag of weed in the other. “Uhh, Eva and her friends, Vilde invited a lot of second years, and Even invited some people from the third year.” 

 

He tosses the bag of weed at Even, who catches it smoothly in one hand. “I don’t know many people,” Even says, “But I know some.” 

 

Isak nods. He pauses in stocking the fridge to look at Even, who has popped open the ziplock bag and stuck his nose in it. “Is this Mahdi’s?” Even asks, looking back at Jonas. His eyes meet Isak’s for barely a split second before he’s looking at Jonas again. 

 

“Yeah,” Jonas crosses the kitchen to hand Isak the bottle. “Good?” 

 

“Yeah, it’s alright,” Even grins, shrugging in response. 

 

Isak rolls his eyes. Even’s so pretentious sometimes. 

 

“Alright?” Jonas laughs, “What, yours is better?” 

 

Isak lifts his eyes just enough to watch Even shrug as he breaks it apart, setting it up to roll. 

 

“Maybe,” Even agrees, “You’ll have to try it sometime.”

 

Isak keeps to himself for a bit, quietly stocking the fridge while Jonas and Even chatter away about whatever it is they’re talking about. Probably something Isak doesn’t care about, like how capitalism sucks or weed should be grown indoors or something else they’ve managed to bond over. 

 

“When is everyone coming?” 

 

“Ehh.. 21:00?” Jonas looks at the clock, “Mahdi’s coming back at 21:30.” 

 

**Lørdag 22:45**

 

The house pulses with the beat of Jonas’s playlist. Isak isn’t dancing, instead he’s swaying a bit, standing in the corner next to Jonas. The bottle in his hand is almost empty, and he’s not  _ drunk _ , but just bordering on the edge of tipsy. 

 

Jonas rolls his eyes. “You’re such a  _ lightweight. _ ”

 

Isak groans. “You don’t have to say that every time!” 

 

“No, bro,” Jonas laughs, “It’s a good thing.” Isak’s not sure when he had the time to smoke, but he’s definitely stoned, if the redness of his eyes and the lethargy of his movements are any indication. Probably the same time that Isak downed a couple beers in the kitchen. 

 

“Dude!” 

 

Isak hears Magnus before he sees him. He whirls around, just in time to be pulled into a bone-crushing hug by his blonde friend. It takes him entirely by surprise, though if he was smarter he would’ve expected it. 

 

Stiffening, Isak chuckles in surprise on impact, and then breaks into laughter when Magnus doesn’t let go, instead holding on for far too long. 

 

“Okay, okay!” Isak laughs, wiggling until Magnus lets him go. 

 

“You guys are the best!” Magnus cheers, “This party rocks!” 

 

“It was Jonas’s idea,” Isak says, pointing to him. “And Even helped..” 

 

Jonas leans in to bro-hug Magnus, clapping him on the back. “Happy birthday, man,” he says. 

 

“Where’s Even?” Magnus asks, using his height to peer over the crowd. 

 

Isak shrugs, turning to look as well. Actually, Magnus is right, he hasn’t seen Even recently. 

 

“Oh, over there.” Jonas points, and the two blondes next to him move, synchronized to look at Even. 

 

Isak’s brow furrows. There’s Even, standing near the left wall of the room. He looks like Even always does— smiling, engaged, so charming that it hurts. But there’s a brunette girl in front of him, looking up through her lashes, giggling as she sips on her drink. 

 

Isak’s stomach twists. “Who’s that girl?” He asks Jonas. 

 

“Huh?” Jonas says, shrugging, “No idea.” 

 

Finishing his beer, he sets the empty can down and makes his way across the room, pushing through the crowd to get a better look. Maybe his judgement’s a bit cloudy, but he’s not stupid. He watches as the girl extends a hand and touches Even’s arm, running her fingers along it, when Even’s arms are  _ supposed  _ to be around Isak, not being touched by someone else. 

 

He wants to be with Even, to be with him properly, monogamously, romantically, all of that. He wants people to know that Even is  _ his,  _ that they can’t get to him even if they want to, that Even belongs with Isak. 

 

The only problem is, every time he wants to tell Jonas, every time he wants to just say  _ fuck it  _ and tell the whole world— he can’t. His heart will pound in his ears, anxiety compressing his chest until he can’t breathe. Eskild was okay. Sana was okay, even if it was risky, but Jonas? He can’t handle Jonas thinking of him differently. 

 

So Isak stands still, eyes narrowed, forced to watch as a pretty girl puts her hands on Even. He watches as Even steps back (because he  _ is  _ Isak’s, even if no one knows) and keeps his personal space. He watches as she laughs it off, presses forward. 

 

“You look like you could use a drink!” Eva yells over the music, ripping him from his thoughts as she shoves his shoulder playfully. It startles him; he hadn’t seen her there. 

 

“Yeah!” He yells back. 

 

Isak spends the next half hour splitting drinks with Eva, stealing beer from Mahdi, taking shots from Christoffer. He stumbles bitterly around the room as it spins, the scowl on his face not lightening. Maybe Jonas was right. Maybe he’s not a happy drunk. 

 

He thought it would make him feel better, in the mood to party, but instead it’s making him feel sick. There’s too many people in the room, and it’s starting to make him claustrophobic. 

 

He pushes through the crowd, tripping into the living room, tumbling right into long, skinny arms. 

 

“Whoa,” Even laughs, and he sounds strikingly sober for the atmosphere they’re in. “Seems like you’ve had enough to drink.” 

 

Isak groans. “Isn’t it… suppose’ to make you feel better? ‘Cause I don’ feel good… at all.” 

 

“I think you overdid it a little,” Even’s voice is raised over the music, the loudest Isak’s ever heard him speak. He gestures Isak towards the door. “Come here, I’ll take you home.” 

 

“I don’t wanna lie to e’rybody anymore,” Isak responds. He points a finger at Even, pokes his chest, “I don’t wanna be… a liar. I want to be  _ real. _ ” 

 

Even shakes his head, shifting as if he’d like to leave. Isak can’t tell. “We’ll talk about it in the morning, okay? You’re not a liar.”

 

“No,” Isak sighs, like a petulant child. Why can’t he understand? It’s so obvious. “Lying by not saying anything is still lying ‘cause… ‘s about who you are, ‘n they all think you’re different.” 

 

Even’s face falls, suddenly much sadder. Isak frowns. Okay. He didn’t mean for that to happen, and he doesn’t really understand why it did. He steps forward, stumbles slightly, which seems to remind Even of what they’re doing. 

 

“Let’s get you home, okay?” 

 

**Søndag 10:14**

 

Isak groans as he wakes up, light pouring in from his windows. Why are his curtains open? He blindly reaches with one hand, trying to grab until he can shut them. Eventually, he yanks them closed. 

 

His head throbs with the memory of last night, and embarrassment floods the forefront of his brain. Oh, god. Why would he do that? Is he really so insecure that he can’t handle seeing a girl just barely touch Even? 

 

Realistically, that’s not it. He’s so sick of hiding, the girl was just a dumb excuse. 

 

Sighing, Isak opens his eyes, blinking and squinting at the ceiling. 

 

Ugh. He presses both hands to his eyes, trying to will his headache to go away. 

 

His phone lights up, and he cringes at the blue light, before sliding it open to check his texts from last night. 

 

_ group message: the boys  _

_ lørdag 23:56 _

_ from Jonas: issssyyy  _

_ from Jonas: any1 seen him _

_ from Mahdi: lmfaoi _

_ from Magnus: he left with EVEN AGAIN SMSNEN _

_ from Mahdi: dhahshqh  _

_ from Jonas: yr both useless  _

 

_ message with: Mamma  _

_ søndag 5:23 _

_ from Mamma: Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you _

 

Isak frowns, his fingers hesitating over the message from his mom. 

 

_ to Mamma: Hi Mamma. I hope everything is okay. I wanted to tell you I have gotten a boyfriend. His name is Even. I’m sorry if this upsets you, but you don’t need to be afraid, because God says all people are equal and deserving of love. Love you. Isak _

 

He sends it before he can lose his courage, and exhales, sharp and punchy. Okay, done. Finally. And fuck his dad, so he doesn’t even bother. 

 

Isak closes his phone, and tosses it somewhere near him, letting it land on the floor. He rolls over, planning to go back to sleep, when a loud crash from the kitchen startles him. 

 

Ugh,  _ Eskild.  _ Seriously? It’s so early. 

 

He scrunches his face up grumpily, and pries the blankets off. He’s still in his shirt from last night, but boxers, and whatever, it’s good enough, so he stomps out of bed. 

 

The least Eskild can do it be quiet. It’s so rude. Even if he wasn’t hungover, some people like to sleep, after all. And Isak knows it’s not Linn, because Linn sleeps just as late as he does. 

 

His face twisted into a scowl, he shuffles into the kitchen, feet dragging on the floor. 

 

Facing the stove, pan in hand, is Even. 

 

Isak stops in his tracks immediately. The angry look slowly slides off his face until he looks a weird mixture of half asleep and very, very confused. 

 

“Really?” Eskild is chirping, leaning against the counter, peering over Even’s shoulder to look at what he’s doing. “That’s so— oh, sleeping beauty is awake!” 

 

Isak narrows his eyes when he’s addressed. 

 

“Ehhh… good morning, Isak!” Eskild beams at him, “How did you sleep! Or… did you sleep? Because—“ 

 

“ _ Eskild, _ ” Isak complains. 

 

Eskild throws up his hands in surrender, turning to to leave the room. 

 

Isak suddenly feels much more shy and a lot less grumpy. 

 

“Good morning,” Even smiles at him, setting his pan and crossing the kitchen to plant a kiss right on Isak’s mouth. It startles Isak slightly, but his lips quirk up a little. 

 

“Hi,” he says, “You’re… cooking breakfast?” 

 

“Thought you could use a hangover breakfast,” Even waves the spatula, moving back towards the stove. He stirs some eggs, flips them around in the pan, turns to smile brightly at Isak as he bounces on his feet, much too happy and energetic for the morning. 

 

Isak blinks sleep from his eyes. “Uhh... yeah.” He supposes he could use a hangover breakfast. 

 

He moves through the kitchen, to lean his back against the counter next to Even. Even passes him a glass of water, as if reading his mind, and he sips it. 

 

“I didn’t think you were going to stay,” he mumbles, a weird sense of vulnerability mixing with his sleepy confusion. 

 

Even looks at him, and tilts his head as if Isak’s being silly. “I just wanted to cook you breakfast,” he says, raises his eyebrows, “Chat with your roommates, see how you’re doing…” 

 

Isak feels almost intoxicated as having Even so close. His eyes are still droopy with sleep, and his face is relaxed, completely focused on Even in front of him— Even, who is so happy, and bright, and beautiful, and still here.

 

“Is that okay?” Even says, and turns away to continue shifting his eggs around in the pan. 

 

Isak looks away for a split second, before he looks back up, trying to catch Even’s eye. “I thought… I was just wondering,” he shakes his head, “Are we together? Officially together?” 

 

Even sets his spatula down, turns and takes Isak’s face between his hands. “Of course we’re together,” he says, and leans in, kissing Isak directly on the mouth. Isak’s heart flutters in his chest, a love-drunk smile finding its way to his face. 

 

“Okay,” he agrees, just in time for Even to step back. 

 

“Try these,” Even says, scooping up some of his eggs onto the spatula, holding them out for Isak to bite. “Good?” 

 

Isak hums, mouth full of food. “Good,” he says, still feeling a little floaty, almost weightless with Even’s adoration lifting him up. 

 

“Good!” Even grins, and turns the heat off on the stove. 

 

Isak watches Even flit around his kitchen, taking plates for them, popping toast from the toaster. With Even by his side, he feels like he can do anything. He feels remarkably less anxious, like if he has Even to support him, he can get through anything. 

 

“Even,” he says, just to catch his attention. 

 

Even looks up, uncharacteristically distracted. But he quickly focuses back on Isak, smiles a bit at him. “Isak.” 

 

“Would you… I mean, is it okay if I tell Jonas?” 

 

Even looks at him for a short moment, and then breaks into a grin so wide that Isak wonders if he can still see, with his eyes almost completely closed.

 

“Of course!” Even shuffles the things in his hands, before he eventually just sets all of them down and kisses Isak’s face again. He pulls back, brushes a curl behind Isak’s ear, soft and tender in a way that Isak’s rarely been touched before. “Of course, Isak.” 

 

Isak nods, leaning in to kiss Even again. 

  
  
  



	7. episode seven: maybe i’m a little gay / i hate surprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MANY NOTES AT THE END, but here I would like to say that this fic is my baby

**Mandag 14:22**

 

Isak exhales, peering through the courtyard. He’s watching Jonas, trying to gather up the courage to approach him. It’s a weird feeling— he’s never been  _ nervous  _ to approach Jonas. Not even when they first met, when Isak was six and tiny and scared, and Jonas was five and brave and always carrying around a football. 

 

His phone buzzes, and he uses it as an excuse to stall. 

 

_ message with: Even Bech Næsheim  _

_ from Even: You’ve got this <3  _

 

Isak breathes out. Maybe in another universe he’d be brave enough to do this without the text from Even. In this one, it’s what makes him finally move his legs forward. 

 

He approaches Jonas, who is unhooking his bike alone, and his stomach settles a bit at the fact that they’re alone. 

 

“Hey,” he says. 

 

Jonas looks up, nods at him. “Hey.” 

 

Isak shifts a bit. “Ehh… I was wondering if we could get a kebab? Talk a bit?” 

 

Jonas, who can read Isak better than anyone, offers him a smile. “Uh, yeah? When would I say no to kebab?” 

 

“Never.” Isak smiles. 

 

**Mandag 14:36**

 

“... and she was like, ‘are you serious?’ And he was all ‘um, yeah, are you?’ It was so fucking awkward bro, and then they just like, went for it at the same time.” 

 

Isak huffs out a laugh, listening to Jonas tell some stupid story about this weekend. “Right in front of you?” He asks. 

 

“Yes, dude!” Jonas exclaims, “I was just  _ there _ ! Oh, god. It was fucking gross. I still don’t know what happened after that.” 

 

“I don’t want to know,” Isak mumbles, shakes his head. 

 

“Me either,” Jonas agrees, his mouth half full of kebab. 

 

Isak smiles down at his plate, most of the tension relieved by the previous conversation. Jonas has always been good at doing that. 

 

“But, uh…” he pauses, looks up from his food to look anxiously at Jonas. “You know that thing about me being weird lately?” 

 

Jonas nods, furrows his brow. “With Even? I thought you guys solved that?” 

 

Isak shakes his head. Actually, he guesses they did. “No,” he says, “I mean, we did. Me and Even. But ehh… I mean, it wasn’t because I hate him.” 

 

“Okay,” Jonas nods, calm and steady, waiting for Isak to continue, “What was it?” 

 

“It was…” Isak takes a breath in. “It was because of a person that I like.” 

 

Jonas looks at him, expecting him to continue. 

 

“Take a guess.” Isak’s voice is suddenly much softer. It’s a familiar feeling, the anxiety gnawing away at his stomach, but it’s still uncomfortable. He sets his fork down, having lost his appetite.  _ Don’t panic. Breathe.  _

 

“I don’t know,” Jonas shrugs— and really, bless him, because Isak feels like it’s so easy to guess. But even if Jonas knows, he still wants Isak to be able to do it himself. 

 

“Guess,” he repeats, having lost the courage to do it himself. 

 

“I don’t know, uh… Sana?” Jonas says, shaking his head. 

 

“Sana?” A surprised laugh bubbles up from Jonas’s throat. He watches as Jonas smiles, and it’s pretty clear that they both know it isn’t Sana, it was just to make Isak laugh. But he goes along with it anyways. “Sana, really? Who do you think I am?” 

 

”Yeah, you’re right, Sana’s too good for you.” Jonas laughs back, “Just tell me.” 

 

Isak takes a deep breath. “I’ll give you a hint,” he says softly. 

 

Jonas nods. 

 

“It’s not a girl.” 

 

His eyes are glued to Jonas as Jonas continues to eat his kebab, neutral, just the hint of a smile on his lips. His stomach is still twisting, waiting for Jonas to say something, waiting for Jonas to leave him sitting on this bench like an idiot, waiting for Jonas to tell him it’s just as wrong and horrible as the voice in his head says it is. 

 

“Is it… Even?” 

 

Isak breathes in, breathes out. Jonas is smiling, and so one corner of his lips curls up too. “Yeah.” 

 

Jonas nods. “Are you together, then?” 

 

Isak nods. 

 

Jonas breaks into a smile. “Cool,” he says, “I guess you can thank me for kind of setting you up, right? I was right when I said you’d like him.” 

 

Isak can’t help himself from grinning. “You didn’t do anything.”

 

“Are you  _ serious _ ?” Jonas jokes, “I introduced you, he was my friend first!” 

 

Isak rolls his eyes. “Okay… whatever,” he mumbles, “But you’re… I mean, it’s cool?” 

 

“Dude. Obviously.” Jonas nudges his shoulder. “Even’s a super cool guy. Really good-looking too.” 

 

“What?” Isak laughs, half in surprise and half in relief. He feels like a huge weight has been lifted off his chest, he’s flying through the air, soaring above the clouds. “You think that?” 

 

“Uh, yeah,” Jonas grins back, “It’s true.” 

 

**Mandag 21:23**

 

_ message with: Jonas Broah Vasquez  _

_ to Jonas: should I tell the guys  _

_ from Jonas: Mags and Mahdi?  _

_ to Jonas: yes  _

_ from Jonas: yeah, why not? If you’re ready  _

_ to Jonas: I don’t want it to go badly  _

_ from Jonas: it won’t issy, they’re not like that _

_ from Jonas: but don’t worry, because I have your back either way  _

_ to Jonas: <3  _

_ from Jonas: <3  _

 

**Tirsdag 12:23**

 

Isak tosses his bag to the side, sliding into his chair at the lunch table. His friends are already wrapped up in a conversation; Jonas is laughing at something Even’s saying as if nothing’s changed. Even is tapping his foot on the ground, fidgeting in his seat. 

 

When he sits, Jonas nods at him. He nods back. 

 

“I  _ wish _ ,” Magnus groans, throwing his head back, “It was fucking close! I mean— Jonas, it was, right?” 

 

Jonas raises his eyebrows. “He’s right, it actually was.” 

 

“Fuck,” Even laughs, his eyes bright and wide, “Seriously? Right in front of you?” 

 

“Yes, dude,” Jonas grins, and Isak has a weird sense of deja vu, “It was fucking gross.” 

 

“But, uh— there’s Isak!” Magnus turns around, finally noticing him, a weird sense of praise to his voice. “Did you hook up this weekend?” 

 

Mahdi scoffs. “Dude, what do you think? Isak has the best game of any of us. He gets mad girls.”

 

Isak chuckles nervously, ducking his head. 

He looks up just a bit to look at Jonas. 

 

“Shit, what was her name?” Magnus continue to talk to Mahdi, “The brunette?” 

 

“Eh… fuck. Elisa? Eh… Ella?” 

 

“No! Eva, maybe?” 

 

“I think it was Ann?” 

 

“No, dude, it definitely started with an E…” 

 

“Even?” Mahdi jokes, winking at Even from across the table. 

 

Isak’s eyes shoot down to the table and his stomach shoots down to the floor. 

 

He can just barely see Jonas and Even both looking at him from the corners of his eyes. Jonas nods in encouragement. 

 

He looks up at Even, silently asking if he can. Because Even is Even and he can read Isak’s expressions so well, he smiles, his expression softening. 

 

And because Isak can read Even too, he clears his throat. “Um… guys?” 

 

Mahdi stops mid-sentence to look at Isak. With both of their eyes on him, he’s suddenly very anxious. 

 

Magnus waves his hand at Isak when ten seconds of silence have passed. “Yeah, Isak?” He says, his voice more patient than his actions, “What is it?” 

 

Isak shakes his head a little. “There’s something I want to tell you.”

 

“Okay?” Magnus laughs, shaking his head. “Yeah, I guessed that much. What is it?”

 

Isak is not finding this nearly as funny as his friends. “Okay,” he mumbles back, “You know Even?” 

 

Both of their heads move to look at Even, who is sitting  _ right there _ . Nice one, Isak thinks to himself. Real casual. Obviously they know Even. 

 

“Yes,” Mahdi says anyways, because he really is a cool dude, “We know Even.” 

 

Isak looks at Even too, and Even nods. 

 

He turns his attention back to Magnus and Mahdi. “Even and I have a thing.” 

 

They both stare at him, different levels of understanding in their expressions. 

 

“So… Even’s your boyfriend?” Mahdi says too casually. 

 

Isak looks at Even again, who smiles at him. 

 

“Yeah,” he says back to Mahdi, “I mean… yeah.” 

 

“Wow!” Magnus claps his hands so loudly that Isak startles. “Fucking finally, dude! Wait, so like, are you gay?”

 

“No. What? No,” Isak sputters out an answer. 

 

“He could be pansexual,” Mahdi nudges Magnus, “Like Even.” 

 

“How do you know that Even’s pansexual?” 

 

“What? He told me.” 

 

“And he’s always wearing the pin,” Jonas inputs. 

 

“The pin? How am I supposed to know what that meant?”

 

“Jonas didn’t know either, he had to ask me.” 

 

“Hey! At least I asked.” 

 

“Wait, why didn’t you tell me? Friends should know these things!” 

 

“Uh, he’s definitely mentioned it.”

 

“I’m pretty open about it, why did you want to know?”

 

“So I can set you up!” 

 

Isak lets himself fade out of the conversation as Jonas snorts out a laugh. Is he gay? Why is it so hard to say out loud? Why is it easier to tell everyone he’s with Even? 

 

“That seems like a reason he  _ shouldn’t  _ tell you.”

 

“That’s sweet of you, Mags, but I’m dating Isak, remember?” 

 

“Oh, yeah.”

 

Suddenly everyone’s looking at him again. He clears his throat, shifting awkwardly. “Maybe I’m a little gay.” 

 

Even’s smile blinds him from across the table. 

 

**Onsdag 2:14**

 

Isak rubs his eyes, pulled from sleep by the vibrating of his phone. He wants to be irritated— it’s hard enough for him to sleep on a normal night— but after he’s grabbed for his phone, the texts are from Even. It’s lyrics, he thinks; he’s much too tired to read. 

 

Smiling sleepily to himself, he types back. 

 

_ message with: Even Bech Næsheim  _

_ to Even: see you tomorrow <3  _

 

He rolls over and immediately goes back to sleep. 

 

**Onsdag 14:35**

 

“Dude. Awesome idea!” Magnus claps Jonas on the back as Isak walks into their circle, quietly taking his place next to Even. 

 

Even turns his head and kisses him quickly on the cheek. “Ha _ lla.  _ How are you?” 

 

Isak giggles nervously, stepping away from Even. Maybe they haven’t talked about it, but he’s  _ just  _ barely come out of the closet, and there’s no way he’s comfortable right here in the middle of the schoolyard. “Hi,” he says, “Not here?” 

 

Even laughs, and Isak shakes his head. 

 

His friends turn, just seeming to notice that he’s joined them. “Isak!” Jonas greets happily, “Are you coming with us?” 

 

Isak tilts his head. “Coming with you where?” 

 

“We’re going to chill at Mahdi’s,” Magnus speaks up, “Smoke and play FIFA.” 

 

Isak nods, but his eyes are on Even. Even smiles brightly at him, bouncing on his feet; he’s in a super good mood today, Isak can’t help but notice. 

“Actually”— he turns back to Jonas— “Even and I were going to go back to mine.” 

 

When he looks back at his friends, they’re all grinning stupidly. 

 

“What?” He asks. 

 

“We’re just  _ so happy  _ for you,” Magnus coos. 

 

“We really are,” Mahdi teases. 

 

“I feel like a proud mother.” Jonas places a hand over his heart. 

 

“Ew,” Isak rolls his eyes, “Shut up.” 

 

He grabs Even’s hand and tugs him away. 

 

**Onsdag 19:23**

 

“What the fuck, Even.” 

 

Isak’s eyes are wide and glassy. He brings one hand up, (not so) discreetly wiping the single tear from his cheek. 

 

Even laughs. His eyes are shining too, but he looks happy, way too happy for what they’ve just watched. Isak shuts his laptop screen. 

 

“ _ That’s  _ your favorite movie?” He accuses, “Seriously?”

 

Even tilts his head, fiddling with his hands, turning to face Isak. “You didn’t like it?” 

 

“It was so… sad,” Isak frowns. “I mean…. I liked it. But I’m sad now.” 

 

“You knew they were going to die, though,” Even points out, a sweet smile on his face. “It’s Romeo and Juliet. Everyone knows that.” 

 

“Yeah, but…” Isak groans. “Why couldn’t they just have a happy ending for once?” 

 

Even chuckles quietly, tucks a curl behind Isak’s ear. “Sometimes life doesn’t have happy endings,” he says, his voice so low and serious that it sends a chill through Isak’s spine. 

 

“Don’t say that,” Isak murmurs back, “It scares me.” 

 

Even smiles. “I’m only joking,” he says, “But it’s a happy ending in a way, you know. The only way they could be happy is together. And now… they’re together forever. You know, the only way you can have something forever is to lose it.” 

 

Isak frowns. 

 

**Torsdag 07:05**

 

Isak rolls over, searching blindly for his phone as the alarm goes off. He groans quietly to himself, reluctant to wake up and go to  _ school. _ Gross. 

 

His next move is to feel for Even next to him, hands brushing over empty sheets. 

 

_ Again.  _ His heart sinks through the floor, but he remembers last time, and slowly peels himself out of bed, shuffling into the kitchen. 

 

Half a sleepy smile (much less surprised this time) brightens his groggy expression as he sees Even at the stove. Around him is every type of breakfast food Isak can imagine, already cooked.

 

He must’ve woken up before it was even light out in order to make that. Isak’s heart swells; he feels so  _ wanted  _ and  _ special.  _

 

“Good morning!” Even cheers when he finally sees Isak, crossing the kitchen to kiss him twice. “I made breakfast! Well… I didn’t know what you liked, so I just made all of it! What film?”

 

Isak is still half asleep, and struggling to process the words. “Film?” He repeats back, but Even’s already getting them plates, so he just smiles and sits down at the table.

 

Even serves him as if they’re in a much fancier place than Isak’s kitchen. Isak giggles as he’s presented the plate, because Even has made it all artsy and pretty to look at, even if it’s just breakfast food. 

 

“Is this a heart?” He points to the whipped cream, raising his eyebrows. 

 

“Of course!” Even grins. 

 

“Wow,” Isak says, “That’s cheesy.” He pauses a minute, and then sticks his finger in the whipped cream and taps it on Even’s nose.

 

Even gasps in fake surprise. “My heart! How could you?” He dips his finger in the syrup on Isak’s plate and quickly swipes it on his cheek, before Isak even has time to move backwards. 

 

Isak swats Even’s arm. “Back off! I’m trying to eat my fancy breakfast.” 

 

Even grins, holding his hands up in mock surrender. 

 

**Torsdag 12:34**

 

“Dude, what’s up with you?” Magnus asks Even, who is practically vibrating in his seat. “Are you on crack or something?” 

 

Jonas snorts ungracefully. “Crack, Mags, seriously?” 

 

“He’s just happy because he’s dating Isak,” Mahdi says, gesturing towards said blonde who rolls his eyes, “And Isak is a delight to be around.” 

 

“I  _ am _ ,” Isak insists, kicking Mahdi under the table. 

 

“Mahdi’s right,” Even says, pointing with his fork, his eyes squinty and crinkling with happiness. “Isak is a delight to be around.” He moves off onto a tangent, talking to just Magnus now, his hands moving as he speaks. 

 

“Even thinks you’re a delight,” Mahdi nudges him. 

 

“Yeah,” Isak sighs dreamily. He thinks Even is a delight too.

 

“He seems alright to you, though?” 

 

Isak looks at Even, catching the wide grin on his face, the fast motion of his hands. “Yeah,” he looks at Mahdi, shrugging, “He’s just happy.” 

 

**Torsdag 21:34**

 

_ message with: Even Bech Næsheim  _

_ from Even: Plans for tomorrow!  _

_ to Even: are you asking me? _

_ from Even: No! I have plans for us! It’s a surprise for you  :)  _

_ to Even: I hate surprises :(  _

_ from Even: You’ll love it, I promise! It’s so romantic, just for the two of us <3 <3  _

_ to Even: haha okay  _

_ to Even: you seem happy today  _

_ from Even: I’ve been with you, and I’m happy with you. We go together so well, you go up in two and I go up in four and so no one can tell us anything and we’re free together.  Aren’t you happy with me?  _

_ to Even: i’m happy  _

_ to Even: but what does go up in two & four mean? _

_ from Even: You = (21.06+1999) = (2+1+6) + (1+9+9+9) = 28 = 2+8=9+10=19=1+19=20=2+0=2  _ _   
_ _ from Even: and then Me  _ _   
_ __ from Even: Me = 12.02+1997= (1+2+2) + (1+9+9+7)=26= 2+6=5+8=13=1+3=4

 

Isak stares at his phone for a solid ten seconds. The math is wrong, he has no idea where Even’s getting some of the numbers— he has no idea what Even’s even talking about at this point. 

 

_ from Even: plus you are 2 and I am 4! and 2 and 4 are protected so we don’t have to worry. Understand? _

_ to Even: not really. have you been smoking?  _

_ from Even: No!  _

_ from Even: don’t worry about it. I’ll see you tomorrow for your surprise. Looking soooooo forward to it.  _

_ to Even: me too <3 _

 

**Fredag 19:23**

 

Isak jumps quickly up from his bed at the knock on Kollektivet’s door. 

 

Eskild has been cooing over him all afternoon, and he just wants to leave with Even already. Besides, he really hates surprises, and so the anticipation is starting to make him nervous. 

 

Even had told him to dress nice, but not too nice, and he wasn’t really sure what that meant, but threw on a button down anyways and a nice pair of jeans. Hopefully it’s enough. How is he supposed to know the dress code when he has no idea where they’re going? 

 

He swings the door open, face to face with a grinning Even. 

 

“Hi,” he says, and Even immediately kisses him. It’s just his apartment hall, and so Isak is fine with it— happy even, his face lighting up with a grin. “Do I get to know where we’re going now?” 

 

“You’re in luck,” Even agrees, outreaching one hand to Isak, “Come with me?” 

 

Isak shrugs. “Okay,” he smiles, taking Even’s hand and letting himself be pulled away. “Bye Eskild!” He yells into Kollektivet, letting the door slam shut behind him. 

 

Instead of leading him outside, Even leads him to a door that opens to a stairwell. Isak sends him a questioning look, but follows anyways. He’s never been through here, only to the basement, but Even clearly knows where they’re going. 

 

At the top of the stairs, Isak finds the two of them in front of a door. He raises his eyebrows at Even, who pushes it open without a second thought. 

 

It opens to the roof of Isak’s apartment building. Encircling the edge is a flat concrete wall, just two feet high, the top of it lined with lit candles, varying shapes and sizes. In the center is a blanket— topped with three more candles, two plates, and a vase of flowers. 

 

Isak’s breath catches in his throat. 

 

He turns to look at Even, his eyes shining. “You did this for me?” 

 

Even nods, grinning. 

 

“You’re so— that’s— fuck, that’s so sappy,” Isak rolls his eyes, swallowing the lump in his throat. “ _ Even _ .” 

 

Even sees right through his facade and takes one long step towards him, pressing his mouth to Isak’s. 

 

**Fredag 20:00**

 

“Try this burger.” Even swaps his plate completely with Isak’s. 

 

“Is it good?” Isak asks unnecessarily, picking it up to take a bite. 

 

“It’s amazing!” Even agrees, “I got it from this place downtown— you wouldn’t believe how nice they were there— along with the other stuff.” 

 

“What place?” Isak asks, but Even’s already talking again. 

 

“You know, mini burgers are so good. At our wedding we’ll only serve mini burgers. Everyone will be so happy. Oh, shit, of course I’d have to propose to you first.” 

 

Isak’s eyebrows shoot into his hairline, his mouth half full of burger. “Our wedding?” He asks, a joking hint to his voice, because Even has to be kidding. Even’s just weird like that, like how he greeted Isak with  _ I didn’t know you were friends with Jonas  _ even though they’d never met. It’s just how Even is. 

 

“You don’t think we’re getting married? We’re so  _ fucking  _ getting married!” 

 

Isak giggles quietly, almost nervously. “Okay.” 

 

“Huge wedding! Hundreds of guests! And do you know how I’ll propose to you?” Even’s abandoned his plate now, his face lighting up as he speaks, hands moving in the air. “From a balcony.” 

 

Isak rolls his eyes, it’s just like Even to suggest something so dramatic and romantic. 

 

“Just— just imagine me pulling up, in my white limo Tesla, just yelling,  _ Princess Vivian _ !” Even laughs, tossing his head back, bringing one hand up to cover his mouth. 

 

Isak isn’t following, his eyes narrowing in confusion. He doesn’t understand shit. “Princess Vivian?” 

 

Even laughs loudly again. “Yes! It would be so fucking genius if you answered that!” Isak tries to get a word in, but Even keeps talking, unaware that he’s completely lost Isak. “Because the whole time you would’ve thought it was a scene from Romeo and Juliet, but  _ actually  _ I’m wearing a tie, and you’re Princess Vivian. And then I ask you: what happens after I’ve climbed up the tower and rescued you? And you say…” 

 

Isak shakes his head. 

 

“I rescue you right back!” 

 

His stomach churns, trying to catch Even’s eye. Even looks past him, unaware. 

 

**Fredag 20:41**

 

Isak, sprawled out on his back on the blanket, extends one arm to point to the sky. “That one?” He asks. 

 

Even hums. “Nope,” he points to the sky, an indiscernible distance from where Isak had pointed. “That one.” 

 

“Okay,” Isak rolls his eyes, “It looks like you’re pointing to the same thing.”

 

“No!” Even laughs, abruptly standing. “Come on, I’ll show you.” 

 

He’s halfway across the roof when Isak stands. Even blows out three candles, taking them from the ledge and placing them on the ground. 

 

“What are you doing?” Isak says, anxiety creeping into his voice. 

 

“Don’t worry!” Even waves him off, “I’m going to show you.” He places one foot on the edge. Isak’s breath catches in his throat. 

 

“Come on, Even.” Isak steps closer, “Come on, don’t get up there.” 

 

Even laughs, and Isak’s stomach twists. It’s  _ not funny.  _ They’re on a roof, they’re high off the ground with nothing below them except cold, hard concrete. Isak’s heart starts to pound in his chest, a lump forming in his throat. 

 

Even shifts his weight to the foot on the edge, pulling himself up until he’s standing on it. 

 

Isak feels like he can’t breathe, like his chest is constricting, his ribs pressing sharply against his lungs. One misstep and Even will fall. One misstep and Even will be on the  _ ground.  _ “What are you doing?!” He repeats, panicked.

 

Even laughs, outstretching his arms like a bird, like Jesus on the cross, like Rose on the Titanic. “Come on, Isak, it’s fine!” He sways slightly as the wind blows, but it doesn’t seem to bother him.  

 

“No, it’s not!” Isak’s eyes shine with tears, “Even, I’m serious, get down. You’re scaring me.” 

 

Even tilts his head, smiling at him. “Don’t be scared, Isak.” He seems to finally realize he’s freaked Isak out, and steps carefully off the ledge. “It’s okay.” 

 

Isak exhales, sharp and shaky. “Don’t do stuff like that,” he whispers. 

 

Even kisses him on the mouth. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, “I didn’t mean to scare you. Should we go back to your place?” 

 

Isak nods. 

 

**Lørdag 1:34**

 

Isak, half asleep and curled up in bed, rolls over and shifts the blankets higher over his shoulders. “Ev?” He mumbles, lifting his head. They went to sleep together, but his bed is cold. 

 

As he peeks one eye open, he can see Even pacing the floors of his room. 

 

“Even?” He repeats, and Even’s head finally snaps up. He smiles at Isak, so sweet that Isak momentarily forgets his concern. 

 

He has the weirdest sinking feeling that something is wrong. Isak has no idea what this is. 

 

“Don’t you ever sleep?” He jokes softly. 

 

Even crosses the room in two steps, falling into bed. He rolls over to face Isak, and leans forward, kissing Isak’s forehead. “Not when you’re lying here looking so fucking hot.” 

 

Isak’s lips curl up sleepily. “Lay down with me,” he says, eyes closing again. 

 

**Lørdag 2:16**

 

Isak wakes up to a loud crash from his kitchen. His eyes shoot open, and he scrambles to sit up, scanning the room for Even. Of course, Even is nowhere to be found. 

 

“Even?” He calls, a little louder than he had been before. “Even?” 

 

He stands quickly, tripping on the blankets wrapped around him. “Shit,” he mutters, detangling himself as quickly as possible from them. In just his boxers and shirt, he leaves his room, peeking his head into the hall to look for Even. 

 

“Even?” He hisses. No response, but he can hear running water in the kitchen. 

 

Maybe it’s Eskild. Either way, someone can help him. He moves quickly through the hall, until he can see what’s in the kitchen— Even, surrounded by pots and pans and various spices and completely naked. 

 

“ _ Even _ ?” He asks, “What are you doing?” 

 

Even drops the spatula in his hand. “Isak!” He greets, too loud for Isak’s sleeping roommates. “Shit, there you are, thank god. I need you to watch this pot.” 

 

“The… that one?” Isak points at it. It’s starting to boil over. 

 

“Yes! Perfect. And I’m just gonna buy a few ingredients and I’ll be back.” 

 

Isak shakes his head quickly, picking up the spatula. His brow furrows in the center with concern. “Can we finish cooking in the morning?” 

 

Even laughs, kisses Isak’s cheek, and walks out the door. 

 

Isak frowns, stuck with all these pots surrounding him. He puts his hand on the knob to turn the stove off, and his knees almost buckle completely at the realization. Even was naked when he walked out. Which means he’s walking through Kollektivet naked, and through  _ Oslo  _ naked. Isak scrambles, quickly shutting off the stove and jogging to the front door, ripping it open. 

 

“Even?” He calls, a whisper-yell outside. “Even?” 

 

Nothing. Where could he have gone. The store? What store is he even talking about? Isak starts to panic again, his chest cold with fear. 

 

“Shit,” he whispers, “Fuck,  _ shit. _ ” 

 

Why does everything have to get so fucked up for him? 

 

As quickly as he can, he runs back inside and grabs a set of clothes for Even. He grabs his phone, Even’s phone, and his keys, and sprints out the door. 

 

“Even!” He yells in the hallway, ignoring that it’ll surely wake his neighbors. “Even!” 

 

Shit. He jogs to the elevator, smashing the down button once, twice, three times. His stomach churns, anxiety twisting in his chest. No, no, no. Shit. He turns the opposite way, running to the stairs. Taking them two at a time, he’s down on the first floor a minute later. 

 

“Even?” He yells, louder that there’s not people sleeping around him, “Even!  _ Fuck,  _ where did he go?” 

 

Why is no one else around? 

 

He runs out the front door, and finds himself thrown into the city— lights, people, cars. Isak takes a shaky breath in, his throat tight. “Even!” He yells, whirling around, trying to spot him through the crowd. “Even!” 

 

“Shit,” he hisses, fumbling through his things until he finds Even’s phone. 

 

His hands shake as he calls the number, until a sweet, older lady answers. 

 

“No, it’s— no, sorry, it’s not Even, it’s Isak,” he rushes out, “Something’s happened to Even, I don’t— I don’t know what’s going on, he’s just left naked, I don’t— I can’t find him, I don’t know what to do, I’m just…” 

 

Isak sucks a deep breath in, his hand shaking as he brings it to his face. The conversation with Even’s parents is short, and Isak can’t breathe any better by the end of it. 

 

He shoves Even’s phone in his pocket and stands in the center of the sidewalk, holding the bundle of clothes to his chest. His eyes sting with tears, but he blinks them quickly back, taking quick breaths: in, out. In, out. In, out. 

 

Something is very wrong. Something is possibly very wrong with Even. Isak chokes on a sob, taking a deep breath to kill it before he can break down. 

 

Even’s phone starts ringing in his pocket and he rips it out, answering the call from his parents. 

 

His mum relays to Isak the information she has: Even’s been found, he’s fine, he’s with the police. 

 

Isak breathes out a relieved sigh, shaking but thoroughly thankful that nothing’s happened to him. That he’s  _ safe.  _ “What’s—“ he takes a sharp breath in, “What’s just happened? I don’t understand.” 

 

_ He’s manic, Isak _ , Even’s mother tells him,  _ He’s sick.  _

 

Isak sinks to his knees on the sidewalk, his eyes shining with unshed tears. 

 

No one had ever done anything like this for him before: the breakfast, the romantic dinner, the candles, the surprise. 

 

No one had ever done anything like this for him before, and it was all fake anyways. 

 

Isak sniffles, bringing a shaky hand up to wipe his face. 

 

He’d really thought it was real. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTES:  
> 1) i am professionally diagnosed bipolar one, some of this chapter (and following ones!) is based off my own experiences with it— if anyone has a problem, let me know, but it’s very personal to me  
> 2) yes i skipped og episode seven, there’s no need for a reunion   
> 3) at least sonja isn’t here


	8. episode 8: my two favorite people / in infinite time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from Linn: I’ve had my heart broken too, Isak. It’s horrible.  
> from Linn: First you will be sad and never want to leave your room, then you’ll be angry and you’ll hate them. And eventually you’ll be okay  
> to Kollektivet: I could never hate Even

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of things cited for this: please read the notes at the end.

**Lørdag 10:42**

 

_group message: the boys_

_from Magnus: evak! how was the date!_

_from Jonas: leave them alone_

_from Jonas: i bet even stayed over_

_from Mahdi: cute_

_from Magnus: awww_

_from Magnus: ttyl evak_

_from Jonas: why not isen_

_from Mahdi: bc that’s hideous_

 

_message with: Guru Eskild_

_from Guru Eskild: I’m home if you want to talk!_

_from Guru Eskild: Everything will be alright <3 _

 

Isak can’t bring himself to answer them.

 

**Lørdag 15:32**

 

_group message: the boys_

_from Jonas: anyone want to smoke?_

_from Mahdi: i’ll come_

_from Jonas: yessss bro_

_from Magnus: I’m down in like an hour_

_from Jonas: Isak? Even?_

 

Isak briefly recognizes that he still has Even’s phone and his clothes. Maybe it’s good. Maybe this way Isak isn’t tempted to contact him. Maybe it’s better if Isak just deals with this alone.

 

He turns off his phone and closes his eyes.

 

**Søndag 12:36**

 

Isak, sitting slumped against his headboard, places his laptop on his lap and opens it. He’s nothing if not a research nerd, and this is no different— even if it hurts.

 

In the search bar, he types _bipolar disorder._ The number of articles are almost overwhelming, but he scrolls past a few to search for a reputable source before clicking on the link.

 

His eyes scan the page, wide and serious to absorb the information listed:

 

_… changes in mood, alternating between periods of elevated mood (mania or hypomania) and periods of depression…_

 

_… overly elated, racing thoughts, talking very fast, restless, sleeping very little, impulsiveness, risky behavior, grandiosity…_

 

_… loss of energy, loss of interest in activities, feeling sad, hopeless, empty, sleeping too much, feelings of guilt, suicidal thoughts…_

 

_… mood stabilizers, antidepressants, antipsychotics…_

 

_… triggers can set off new episodes of mania or depression… stressful life events… drug use… sleep changes—_

 

Isak’s eyes rip away from the page at the knock on his door. Slowly, it creaks up to reveal Eskild tentatively leaning against the frame. He’d caught a terrified version of Isak coming in last night, and Isak had told him everything— he looks tentative for a reason.

 

“Do you want to come out and have lunch?” Eskild asks, shifting a little bit. “Emm… with me, and Linn, just out in the kitchen? We made pasta. I know you like the sauce.”

 

Isak shakes his head, clearing his throat and forcing himself to speak. “No, thanks.”

 

“Okay,” Eskild says, but he doesn’t leave, only pauses for ten seconds. “I’m sorry, Isak.”

 

Isak looks back at his computer screen. He swallows, his throat tight as he nods. “Yeah.”

 

“It will pass,” Eskild’s voice lowers. “I know it feels like it’s the worst thing in the world right now, but it will pass. You’ll be okay.”

 

Isak nods again, pressing his lips together to keep from crying. He doesn’t want to cry, not here, not anymore. There’s so many emotions building inside him that they’ve all mixed into one big mess of sadness. He wants to be confused, he wants to be angry, but instead he’s just _sad._ He wanted to be with Even always, the two of them together and happy, but it wasn’t _real._ And since his only experience with mental illness comes from his treatment-resistant mother, who he’d spent his childhood being afraid of for reasons she couldn’t control, who he’d left at home alone when he decided he couldn’t handle it, there’s no way he—

 

He suddenly remembers what he’d said to Even. That his mother is _crazy in the head._ Oh, fuck. As if it couldn’t get worse.

 

Even never loved him. He only made Even’s illness worse.

 

He’d stressed Even out. He’d smoked with Even. He’d kept Even awake at night. He’d insulted him, offended him, and then flipped completely around. He’d thought it was real, and he’d ignored the signs and he’d let the both of them get caught up in it.

 

Isak takes a shaky breath in.

 

“Okay?” Eskild asks quietly.

 

“How?” Isak whispers.

 

“How?” Eskild repeats.

 

“How do I make it pass?”

 

Eskild smiles at him, but his eyes are sad. “Time will heal everything. You just have to wait. You can distract yourself, you can talk to people who love you… and in time, everything will feel better.”

 

Isak nods, his eyes back to fixing on the computer screen.

 

“I’ll bring you a plate, okay?”

 

Eskild leaves his door cracked open. Isak breathes out, just as his phone buzzes.

 

_message with: Mamma_

_from Mamma: My son, I have loved you since the first day I saw you on June 21st at 21:21 and I always will._

 

A tear finally slides down Isak’s cheek.

 

**Søndag 14:22**

 

_message with: Jonas Broah Vasquez_

_from Jonas: hey dude, been trying to contact you and Even since Friday_

_from Jonas: probably still in your love nest or whtvr but let me know you’re okay_

 

_message with: Magnus Fossbaken_

_from Magnus: Isak!_

_from Magnus: want to come over? Talk about your date?_

 

_group message: Kollektivet_

_from Guru Eskild: Buying groceries. Does anyone need anything?_

_from Linn: do we have to pay you back_

_from Guru Eskild: Not today! For a limited time only, I will purchase whatever the two of you require at no extra fee_

_from Linn: we need toilet paper_

_from Guru Eskild: Not a very exciting request from Linn! Isak, can I get you anything?_

_from Guru Eskild: Ice cream, chocolates, Dirty Dancing on DVD?_

_to Kollektivet: maybe some fanta_

_from Guru Eskild: Okay. Fanta it is_

_from Linn: I’ve had my heart broken too, Isak. It’s horrible._

_from Linn: First you will be sad and never want to leave your room, then you’ll be angry and you’ll hate them. And eventually you’ll be okay_

_to Kollektivet: I could never hate Even_

_from Linn: Hate is good, it means you’re getting over them._

_from Eskild: Linn has never talked so much in her life. I think the Fanta hit a soft spot! Or maybe just our baby Isak. <3 _

_from Linn: it was just Isak_

 

**Mandag 13:24**

 

Isak sleeps through most of the day. Eskild brings him a grilled cheese, and he takes three bites of it sometime later when he wakes up, eyebrows scrunching at how cold it is.

 

He glances to the other side of his room where he’s piled Even’s things into the corner. Slowly, he peels himself out of bed, and crosses the floor.

 

Bending down, he moves the nice shirt aside, folds the jeans, and picks up Even’s jacket that he’d left here. He swallows.

 

On the left breast, Even’s pride flag is pinned to the stitching. The whole thing smells like a mix of Even’s cologne, his flowery shampoo, a faint scent of weed. It’s all so _Even._ It makes Isak’s jaw tighten.

 

Isak pulls it on. He curls his fingers over the sleeves, squeezing the denim, rubbing the pads of his fingers over it. Slowly, he runs his hands over the front, closing his eyes, just feeling it.

 

Exhaling, he shakes his head and snaps himself out of it, but he doesn’t take it off. Instead he sits back down on his bed, grabbing his laptop from off the floor.

 

In the search bar of his laptop, he types _Romeo + Juliet._

 

**Tirsdag 12:21**

 

Isak avoids his friends until lunch, when it becomes impossible. He sneaks into the cafeteria, peering at the table, trying to see if Even’s there.

 

He’s not. There’s an empty spot in between Magnus and Mahdi.

 

Isak takes a deep breath in and moves across the cafeteria, just as Magnus and Mahdi stand to get in line. He leaves that seat empty and sits down next to Jonas.

 

Jonas startles slightly when he spots Isak. “Shit, dude, I didn’t hear you come in.” He shakes his head. “So, uhh… How was your weekend?” Speaking almost tentatively, Isak knows this is Jonas’s subtle way of asking if he’s okay.

 

He chuckles bitterly in response. “You don’t even want to know.”

 

“Try me?” Jonas asks, frowning. He tilts his head in concern. “What happened?”

 

Isak exhales huffily. He knows he’s back to being angry and bitchy and dismissive, but he’s at least learned by now to be honest to his friends. “Even…” he pauses, shakes his head, “... completely lost it.”

 

Jonas frowns deeper, serious concern etched into his expression. “What do you mean?” He asks, just as Magnus’s tray clatters down on the table. His and Mahdi’s plates are both on it, and Mahdi snatches a fry.

 

“What are we talking about?” Magnus asks, mouth half full. “Oh, hey Isak! Do you know where Even is?”

 

Isak can see Jonas kick Magnus under the table.

 

“That’s what we’re talking about,” Jonas says. “Issy, what do you mean he lost it?”

 

Magnus shuts up immediately. Even Mahdi looks up from his fries.

 

Isak sighs, his gaze flickering down to the table. “He is apparently bipolar.”

 

“No way!”

 

He lifts his head back up, narrowing his eyes at the surprise in Magnus’s voice, and the weird happy look on his face. “What?”

 

Magnus smacks Mahdi’s arm with the back of his hand. “My mom is also bipolar! My two favorite people!”

 

“Even and your mom are your two favorite people?” Mahdi rolls his eyes.

 

“Uh, yeah? Can you think of two better people?”

 

Mahdi pauses for a second, and then shrugs. “Actually… no.”

 

Isak frowns. “Your mom is bipolar? What’s she like?”

 

“Yeah!” Magnus replies enthusiastically. “She’s fucking awesome. I mean, you’ve met her, right?”

 

Isak shrugs. He’s met her a few times, but she seemed fine to him. Super nice, even, and just as wild as Magnus. “But she’s normal?”

 

Magnus rolls his eyes. “Yeah, she’s normal, she just has periods where she’s manic or depressed. Even’s normal too.”

 

Isak can’t think of anything but Even standing on that ledge, swaying in the wind, pacing his floors, cooking breakfast at half past two, leaving naked. He shrugs.

 

Magnus, surprisingly, is the one to get them back on track, even as he shoves two fries in his mouth. “But uh, Isak, why are you upset about this? What happened?”

 

Isak swallows. He doesn’t want to talk about this, he doesn’t even want to be here, really, he’d rather be in his bed at home (or back on that lazy Saturday morning with Even). “He was manic,” he says anyways, his voice much softer.

 

“He was manic?” Magnus repeats, oddly serious. He nods. “Okay, what happened?”

 

Isak bites down on the inside of his cheek. Maybe it’s better if he talks about it. Maybe it’s _not_ better to be alone.

 

“He… was just acting really weird,” he shrugs, “And he was like… standing on the ledge of the roof, and then he tried to make breakfast in the middle of the night, and then he left naked.”

 

“Naked?” Magnus repeats, squawking out a laugh, “HA!”

 

Isak stares at him, deadpan expression. “It's not funny.”

 

“Come on, you have to find the humor in it,” Magnus extends a hand to him, shaking Isak’s slumped shoulder. “You can’t be so serious about everything! One time, my mom…”

 

He trails off into a story involving a railroad conductor, a strongly worded letter, and his mother’s mania, but Isak isn’t listening. Instead he stares at a spot on the table. Why does everyone else seem to think it’s so normal? Even’s their friend too, why aren’t they upset?

 

“But, um,” Magnus snaps to catch Isak’s attention, “How’s Even now? I’ve been trying to text him, we all have.”

 

Isak shakes his head. “I don’t know,” he mumbles, “He left his phone with me.”

 

Mahdi frowns. “You didn’t go see him?”

 

“No?” Isak asks, confused.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because… he was manic. I don’t want to see him. It was all just bullshit on his side.” Isak waves a hand, his eyebrows scrunching grumpily together.

 

“Just because he was manic, doesn’t mean it was bullshit. He hasn’t been manic this whole time, anyways. When my mom is manic, it’s like I can’t make contact with her. We’ve all had lots of contact with Even. Plus you said he was acting weird, which means he hasn’t been acting like that this whole time,” Magnus says, but he tilts his head sympathetically. “Even likes you, and you like him, right? Why would that be bullshit?”

 

Isak shrugs, wobbling his head side to side.

 

“So go see him. Or… at least give his phone back, because I want to text him.”

 

Swallowing, Isak once again redirects his gaze to the table. “I think I’m bad for him,” he says quietly, “I think I made it worse.”

 

“Isak,” Magnus smiles empathetically, reaching out and squeezing his shoulder. “You have to let Even decide that for himself.”

 

“Yeah, but…” Isak groans quietly. “The Internet said he shouldn’t smoke, or drink, or be stressed out. And I did all of those.”

 

“You didn’t know,” Magnus points out. “And you looked stuff up, right? So you’re learning how to help him, that’s good. He’s still Even, Issy, you know that. You just know more about him now.”

 

Jonas points with his fork. “Fucking hell, Mags. You’re actually pretty cool.”

 

Magnus laughs loudly. “You’re just now realizing that?”

  
  
“Well, yeah,” Mahdi shrugs, “It’s hard to tell because you’re usually so stupid.”

 

**Tirsdag 14:46**

 

Isak’s hands hesitate over the keyboard on Even’s phone screen.

 

He closes his eyes, and then opens them, quickly typing the message.

 

_message with: mamma_

_to mamma: Hello, it’s Isak. I just wanted to let you know I still have Even’s phone and some of his stuff. I can send my address if you want to pick it up._

 

He exhales, sends it before he can chicken out.

 

_from mamma: Hello Isak, thank you. Even knows your address. I’ll stop by tonight._

 

**Tirsdag 18:01**

 

Isak rolls over in his bed, continuing to play a stupid game on his phone.

 

“Emm… Isak?” Eskild calls from the living room. He hears a bit of shuffling, muffled voices through the door. And then a knock.

 

Groaning, he flops out of bed and pulls the door open. “Yes, Eskild?”

 

Eskild looks him quickly over. “Umm… there’s a lady here looking for Even’s things.”

 

Isak swallows. Of course. He knew Even’s mother would be coming, he’d set up the whole thing, but he’s suddenly very upset. “Can you take them?” He asks Eskild.

 

Eskild’s gaze turns sympathetic. “If you want me to.”

 

Isak nods, and turns around, shuffling to his bed to grab Even’s phone, his jacket, his other clothes. He hands them in a pile to Eskild, who accepts them willingly.

 

“Can you ask her if he’s okay?” He asks, when Eskild is halfway through the door.

 

Eskild turns and nods. “Of course.”

 

**Onsdag 17:23**

 

_message with: Even Bech Næsheim_

_from Even: I want to make Romeo jealous. I want the dead lovers of the world to hear our laughter, and grow sad. I want a breath of our passion to stir their dust into consciousness, to wake their ashes into pain._

_from Even: Doubt thou that the sun is fire, Doubt that the sun does move, doubt truth to be a liar but never doubt that I love._

_from Even: If I profane with my unworthiest hand, This hole shrine, the gentle fine is this: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand, To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss._

 

_message with: Magnus Fossbaken_

_to Magnus: did you txt even_

_from Magnus: yes_

_to Magnus: he just keeps sending me quotes or something_

_to Magnus: i dont know what to do_

_to Magnus: i dont know what it means or what he’s trying to say_

_from Magnus: relax, issy, everythings ok, he’ll come back to you_

_from Magnus: He’ll always come back to you -- Fredrik Meltzer_

_to Magnus: fredrik meltzer did not say that_

_from Magnus: he should have_

_from Magnus: no but you just have to wait it out. He’ll come down and then you can talk. Just mute the conversation if you’re feeling overwhelmed_

_to Magnus: what did he say to you_

_from Magnus: not much. We just talked about how he’s doing, how we miss him at school_

_to Magnus: ok_

_from Magnus: call me if you need anything -- Erna Solberg_

 

**Torsdag 14:23**

 

“Are you coming?”

  
  
Isak lifts his head at Mahdi’s question. He shrugs, shifting his books around in his arms. “I don’t know,” he responds, “I have some studying to do.”

  
  
Jonas narrows his eyes. Isak pointedly avoids his gaze.

 

“Tomorrow, then?” Jonas asks, raising his eyebrows. “We can go to mine, all of us.”

 

 _And Even?_ Isak wants to ask, but he keeps his mouth shut.

 

“Yeah,” he agrees before he can stop himself. If he doesn’t, they’ll start worrying, and they’ll bug him, and it’ll be a whole thing. He doesn’t want it to be a thing.

 

“Alright!” Magnus agrees, shaking Isak’s shoulder. “See you later, bro?”

 

“Yeah,” Isak agrees again, nodding at the three of them. “See you tomorrow.”

 

“Text me,” Jonas says.

 

“Me too,” Magnus agrees.

 

“If you want,” Mahdi adds.

 

They haven’t been using the group chat recently— Isak feels guilty, he doesn’t want to talk about Even when Even’s in the chat, and Even hasn’t messaged that chat at all. Isak thinks it might be a little overwhelming, anyways.

 

Isak rolls his eyes. “Okay, _moms._ Bye.”

 

He steps backwards, saluting them as he leaves. But he does feel a bit better.

 

**Torsdag 19:44**

 

_message with: Even Bech Næsheim_

_from Even: I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for their religion—I have shudder'd at it. I shudder no more—I could be martyr'd for my Religion—Love is my religion—I could die for that. I could die for you. [. . .] My love is selfish. I cannot breathe without you._

 

Isak closes his eyes. He opens them slowly, and reads the message again. While the others had been more lighthearted, this one sends a weird feeling to his stomach.

 

He clicks on Even’s contact, and dials his number.

 

The phone rings until Isak hits Even’s voicemail box. He exhales, albeit shakily, and types his first message to Even in six days.

 

_to Even: Tried to call you. I hope everything’s okay. Give me a call when you feel like it. <3 _

 

**Fredag 21:21**

 

Isak leans his head back against Jonas’s couch, sinking further into it.

 

“No!” Magnus squawks from his right, caught up in a game of FIFA with Mahdi, who as predicted, is crushing him.

 

But Isak can’t quite convince himself to care about the game. Not when he hasn’t heard from Even since yesterday. Not when there’s an empty space: on the couch, at the lunch table, in his heart.

 

He sighs.

 

Magnus groans loudly. “Isak?” He offers the controller, wiggling it at him.

 

Isak shakes his head, waving him off. “Jonas?”

 

Jonas accepts, but his eyes linger on Isak a moment too long. Isak nods at him once, trying to convey what he can’t say: he’s fine, he’s fine, he’s fine, it doesn’t matter.

 

Isak sinks further into the cushion. Jonas pats his knee, and then starts playing Mahdi.

 

The buzzing of Isak’s phone on the table startles him out of his couch cocoon. He picks it up quickly, his heart stilling.

 

_message with: Even Bech Næsheim_

_from Even:_ [ _https://youtu.be/50rlHVe6g9Q_ ](https://youtu.be/50rlHVe6g9Q)

 

Isak frowns. “Does anyone have headphones?”

 

Magnus throws him a pair. “Why?”

 

Shaking his head, Isak plugs them in. “Even sent me a link.”

 

All eyes are suddenly on him, both Mahdi and Jonas freezing in the middle of their game.

 

“What is it?” Mahdi asks.

 

“You don’t want to play it out loud?” Magnus asks.

 

Isak is already quickly putting the earbuds into his ears, shifting into the corner of the couch to isolate himself a bit. “I don’t know, fucking hell, let me listen first,” he snaps.

 

Everyone goes back to what they were doing as to not upset him.

 

The song is instantly recognizable from the first notes. He’s heard it before, he knows, but it takes him until the words come in for him to realize exactly where he’s heard it.

 

Romeo + Juliet.

 

It’s Even’s favorite movie. It makes sense. Isak takes a deep breath. As _breathe_ echoes through the song, another texts comes in from Even. His brow furrows.

 

_from Even:_

_Dear Isak,_   
_I’m sitting where we sat together a week ago and I want to tell you a thousand things. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for scaring you. I’m sorry for not telling you I am bipolar. I was scared of losing you. I had two longings and one was fighting the other. I wanted to be loved and I wanted to be always alone. But I had forgotten all people are alone anyways. I was never aware so much had been lost even before I was born. There was so much to lose even before I knew what it meant to choose._ _I dreamt my lover came and found me dead— and breathed such life into my lips that I revived and was an emperor. Another place in the universe we’re together for infinite time. I love you._ _  
_Even

 

As soon as Isak reads the message, it hits him what scene the song is from. His stomach twists. His throat tightens.

 

_I had forgotten all people are alone anyways._

 

He closes his eyes.

 

Isak thinks about Even squishing next to him in the bathtub, their knees knocking together.

 

Isak thinks about Even showing up to Kosegruppa when no one else did, how he laughed when Isak insulted him, how he found a place for both of them to escape.

 

Isak thinks about Even chasing him down in the street, about the burning touch to his skin, about Even tilting his head to the sky, about kissing him in the rain.

 

Isak thinks about Even’s smile as they broke from the kiss, about Even’s laugh as they ran down the street together.

 

_I dreamt my lover came and found me dead._

 

Isak’s breath catches in his throat.

 

_I’m sitting where we sat together a week ago._

 

“I have to go.” He stands breathlessly, headphones still in his ears, the song picking up in pace as the drums come in, the tone more ominous as it hits the three minute mark. “I have to go. It’s Even, I have to go.”

 

“Okay,” Jonas snaps his head away from the television, “Okay, go.”

 

“Go, Isak, it’s okay,” Magnus says.

 

Isak fumbles quickly with his shoes and jogs out the front door.

 

As soon as feet hit the pavement outside he breaks into a sprint.

 

Isak thinks about the Saturday morning they spent together, about sharing a joint with Even in bed, about kissing him sideways, about Even’s hands in his hair.

 

Isak thinks about Magnus’s couch, about Even’s thigh pressed against his own, about stealing glances and shy smiles and shared secrets.

 

Isak thinks about watching Even’s favorite movie with him, about “ _sometimes life doesn’t have happy endings”_ and _“the only way to have something forever is to lose it.”_

 

His breathing quickens, his heart pounding in his ear as he runs. He takes the stairs of Kollektivet two at a time, three if he can make it. He runs straight past his floor.

 

Isak thinks about Even’s heart shaped whipped cream, about syrup, about Even bouncing on his feet.

 

Isak thinks about candles lining the roof, about a blanket and flowers and mini burgers.

 

Isak thinks about what he’s read about bipolar disorder, about mania and depression and depression and depression.

 

Isak thinks about the last scene in Romeo + Juliet.

 

His hand stills on the door to the roof.

 

Isak thinks about Even standing on the ledge, about Even’s arms outstretched towards the sky, about the stars above them.

 

He bursts through the rooftop door, breathing heavily from his run. Running a hand through his hair, he quickly whirls around and around again, until he finally spots Even.

 

Even, bundled up in a thick black jacket, is standing on solid ground, his arms resting on the ledge, his head tilted up towards the sky.

 

Isak breathes in relief.

 

He takes both headphones out of his ears, shoves them haphazardly in his pocket, and steps towards him.

 

Slowly, as if he can feel Isak’s presence, Even turns to face him, his expression unreadable but his eyes widening gently.

 

Isak can’t speak a word. His heart is pounding with relief, and with anxiety for what’s to come. Still, he takes a step towards Even, and then another.

 

Even takes a step of his own, and then they’re both walking, agonizingly slow until they’ve met in the middle.

 

For a moment, Isak can’t bring himself to do anything but stare. Even looks exhausted— exhausted and tentative, as if he isn’t sure he’s allowed to be here. His gaze trails from Isak’s chin to his eyes, and Isak has to remind himself to breathe.

 

He takes a step forward, and places one of his hands on Even’s cheek.

 

“You’re not alone,” he whispers, his voice surprisingly firm. “You’re not alone.”

 

Even closes his eyes. Isak places his other hand on Even’s other cheek, and kisses him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cited quotes:  
> even's first text: Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Grey  
> even's second text: William Shakespeare, Hamlet  
> even's third text: William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet  
> even's fourth/torsdag text: John Keats, A letter to Fanny Brawne  
> the song: Radiohead, Exit Music (For A Film)  
> 'I had two longings and one was fighting the other. I wanted to be loved and I wanted to be always alone.' - Jean Rhys, Wide Sargasso Sea  
> 'I was never aware so much had been lost even before I was born. There was so much to lose even before I knew what it meant to choose.' - Li-Young Lee, "Spoken For" The Undressing  
> 'I dreamt my lover came and found me dead-- and breathed such life into my lips that I revived and was an emperor.' - William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet. 
> 
> and as always, dialogue and texts have bits and pieces of Julie Andem's original scripts.  
> if anyone would like to discuss this, or if anyone has questions regarding bipolar disorder or my own experience, message me on tumblr at slvtherxn, or you can ask for my discord. :) in the mean time, here are some articles that I, as a bipolar person, think are good if you'd like to learn more:  
> https://www.sunovionhealthinsights.com/shi/bipolar-depression/bipolar-depression-overview/dsm-diagnostic-criteria.html  
> http://lunarprinc3.tumblr.com/post/159921288207/thatbipolarfeelwhen-types-of-bipolar-and-types  
> https://www.verywellmind.com/symptoms-of-mania-380311  
> https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/bipolar-disorder/index.shtml  
> https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/bipolar-disorder


	9. minute by minute / you’re a cool boyfriend, Isak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from Magnus: anyways. @evak, how are you guys??? Can we come over??? I miss you  
> from Jonas: I miss them too :(  
> from Mahdi: I miss Even  
> to ‘the boys’: Thx Mahdi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEAH! sorry this took so long! i was dealing with issues of my own, so there’s maaaybe a bit of self projection here, but whatever. anyways, isak is the sweetest, eskild is the man. theres one more chapter after this and i promise it’s just fluff

**Fredag 22:40**

 

Isak braces one hand on the door to Kollektivet, glancing to his left until his eyes meet with Even’s. 

 

Even has been deadly silent the walk here, a striking contrast from last Friday, when they bounded down the stairs together, giggling and kissing and making too much noise.

 

Now the only noise between them is Isak’s shaky breathing. 

 

He opens the door, shuffling Even inside, connected by their intertwined hands. The hall is dark, but he knows his way well enough to leave the lights off, guiding Even with him. Isak squeezes his hand once, and starts to pull him towards his room. 

 

“Isak, hello!”

 

Even immediately freezes at the sound of Eskild’s voice. 

 

“It’s okay,” Isak whispers, and then louder, “Goodnight Eskild, I’m going to bed!”  

 

He leads Even to his room, sits him down in the bed, and only lets go of his hand to fumble anxiously around and find clothes he can wear. As he opens the drawers, Even doesn’t breathe a word. When he settles on sweatpants and the softest hoodie he has, he passes them over. 

 

Even takes a deep breath in. 

 

Isak wants to give him privacy, but he can’t tear his eyes away from Even, fearful that if he looks away for even a second Even will disappear. 

 

It’s ridiculous. It’s a stupid fear, a product of Isak’s own issues, their lack of contact over the past week, and Even’s ominous messages. But Even looks so vulnerable like this, his shoulders slumped and his eyes cast down that Isak never wants to let go of him. 

 

“Isak,” Even says, lifting his head, “I’m so…” 

 

“It’s okay,” Isak interrupts, shaking his head. “It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it tonight.” 

 

Eventually they’ve both changed, and Isak makes sure Even is tucked nicely and comfortably into his bed before he pulls his phone out to text his roommates. 

 

_ group message: Kollektivet  _

_ to Kollektivet: Even is with me. I found him on the roof. I think he’s depressed. Is it ok if he stays? _

_ from Guru Eskild: Of course Isak!!  _

_ from Guru Eskild: Are you okay? Is he okay?  _

_ to Kollektivet: Stress. But yes  _

_ from Linn: no stress. We can help you  _

_ from Guru Eskild: awww Linn! I love you both :’)  _

_ to Kollektivet: weirdo  _

_ to Kollektivet: thank you. I just don’t really know what to do. I don’t want to make it worse for him.   _

_ from Guru Eskild: Go to sleep. We’ll figure it out in the morning  _

 

**Lørdag 09:20**

 

Isak rolls over to face Even, restless with worry. Even’s back is towards him, his face towards the wall, all covered by the blankets except from his nose up. His hair is splayed out on the pillow above him, productless and soft. 

 

Isak smoothes the blanket gently over his shoulders. He breathes in, breathes out, subconsciously matching his breaths to Even’s. 

 

Even doesn’t seem to be awake yet, but from Isak’s research, it’s normal. 

 

He pulls his phone from the night stand, opening the first text from Jonas. 

 

_ message with: Jonas Broah Vasquez  _

_ from Jonas: Everything okay? What happened? _

_ to Jonas: it will be, i’ll tell you Monday _

_ to Jonas: <3  _

 

Isak tosses his phone somewhere else, and slides closer to Even, so close that he can smush his face into Even’s hair. 

 

Closing his eyes, he tries to go back to sleep, but his chest is too tight and anxious. He tries to breathe, but his heart thumps into his lungs and keeps him from getting a proper breath. 

 

Swallowing, he rolls out of bed so he can at least pace. He walks into the kitchen, his feet dragging. 

 

“Good morning!” Eskild greets him from the table, where he’s sitting next to Linn, both of them drinking coffee. “Emm… you’re up early! I made breakfast. Did you want some?” 

 

“No.” He can’t even think about eating, his stomach twisted. “Thanks, though.” 

 

“Do you think Even does?” Eskild tilts his head. 

 

Isak falters, moving his shoulders in some weird half shrug. 

 

“Come here,” Eskild pats the chair next to him, “Come talk to me.” 

 

Isak rolls his eyes, slumping down in the kitchen chair as if this isn’t exactly what he needs. He exhales, leaning back against the wood. 

 

“What’s happening?” Eskild asks, “How are you doing?” 

 

“I’m… I don’t even know.” Isak sighs. “I’m really worried about Even.” 

 

“Okay,” Eskild nods, as if it’s normal. “Why?” 

 

“He’s—“ Isak groans, “What do you mean, why? He’s depressed. I found him on a  _ roof.  _ You should have seen the texts he sent me before that. I don’t want something to happen to him, Eskild. It’s normal to be  _ worried.  _ I don’t want to make it worse. I don’t know how to help.” His face scrunches up as he speaks, shaking his head side to side. 

 

“Okay,” Eskild repeats, “Isak, you’re not making it worse. I can promise that.” 

 

Linn nods, pointing at Eskild with her fork.

 

“There’s not really anything you can do,” Eskild says, “You just have to be there for him. He’ll come back to you eventually, just wait it out. You can’t worry yourself so much, okay? I’m sure he’ll be fine. Right, Linn?” 

 

Isak looks between them, leaning forwards against the table to listen.  

 

“It’s true,” Linn agrees, pausing to drink her coffee. They both wait in silence for her to continue. 

 

“It’ll pass and he’ll surface again. It doesn’t do any good to freak yourself out. He’ll be fine. And he’ll talk to you when he needs to.” She shrugs. “Just be normal. Don’t think so much about what’s going to happen in the future. Just think about today.” 

 

**Søndag 16:55**

 

Isak breathes out a sigh. 

 

It’s so quiet in the room he can hear his own heart beating. 

 

They’ve spent hours like this, with Even curled up facing Isak, his face pressed to Isak’s chest, his hair just barely tickling Isak’s chin. He prefers it to yesterday, when Even had faced the wall the whole day. At least this way, he feels like he’s helping a bit. Even’s weight is grounding him, comforting him, even if it keeps him pinned to the bed for the night and most of the day, Isak only occasionally shifting around to eat, use the bathroom, talk to Eskild and Jonas and Linn. 

 

Even exhales, breathes a gentle sigh. Isak thinks he might be awake, but Even is pressed so close to him that he can’t tell. 

 

“I should go.” 

 

Even’s voice is quiet enough that Isak has to strian to hear it, and scratchy like he hasn’t used it in a while. And it’s true— Isak hasn’t heard him speak in almost twenty hours. When he breathes in again, it’s shaky, and Isak pulls him in closer. 

 

_ Does Even want to leave? _

 

He swallows, presses his face into Even’s hair. He feels lost, helpless— he doesn’t know who to call, who can help him with this, and dealing with it alone is so scary. Sure, Eskild helped a lot, and Linn, but none of them really know Even, and he’s still a bit scared that he’s going to make things worse. 

 

“I don’t want you to go,” he responds, his voice so uncharacteristically soft that he almost thinks Even won’t be able to hear it. 

 

Even heard it. Isak knows, because his breath hitches just slightly, getting caught in his throat. 

 

It’s deadly silent for thirty seconds, and then Even whispers, “You don’t?”

 

His voice breaks, and Isak’s heart splinters in his chest along with it. He can’t help but think that if he had been less mean, less resistant earlier, maybe it’d be easier for Even to believe. Guilt sits heavily in his stomach. 

 

“No,” Isak murmurs back, a little more certain, his voice weirdly stern. He needs Even to believe this. It’s so important that he believes this. “No, I want you with me. Right here.” 

 

Even sniffles. He nudges his face a little closer, properly hiding in Isak, the blankets pulled all the way to his chin. 

 

“Do you want that?” Isak asks, because Even deserves a choice. Only Even can speak for Even. He knows this. And if Even wants to leave…. he’ll be sad, but he’ll understand. 

 

The room is silent, only the soft sounds of their breathing, the rise of fall of their chests synchronized together. Even takes a deep breath, disrupting their pattern. 

 

“It doesn’t matter,” he mutters. His tone changes, much more tired and empty. “I want stupid things.” 

 

Isak nudges his nose into Even’s hair, silent for five seconds too long as he tries to decide what to say. 

 

“It matters,” He promises, “It matters what you want.” He moves his hand down Even’s back, rubbing quiet circles, trying to comfort him

 

“No,” Even mumbles back, and he sounds… weird. Defeated in a way that doesn’t sound like Even. He’s quiet for a moment, and then he pulls out of Isak’s arms, sliding a few inches back, so they’re facing each other, lying side by side against the pillows. 

 

“No, I should leave.” Even shakes his head. His tone shifts as if he’s decided, but he’s reluctant to go through with it. “I’m just going to hurt you, and then you’ll hate me. And I don’t want that.” 

 

Isak frowns. For a moment, he feels sad, his eyes tracing over Even’s teary eyes, the dark circles underneath them, the expressionless look on his face. 

 

Maybe Even’s right. Maybe it won’t work out. Maybe he’s not what Even needs, and it’s doomed to collapse anyways. Maybe he’s just going to get his heart broken. Maybe he’s going to make things worse for Even. But who gives a fuck if it ends tomorrow? Who cares if he’s not perfect for Even? Is anyone really perfect for anyone else? 

 

If Even isn’t going to fight those thoughts away, Isak will just have to fight for both of them. 

 

“No,” he says, “You don’t know that.” 

 

Even swallows, shaking his head. “It always happens.” 

 

“No.” Isak shifts a little, narrowing his eyes at Even, “You have no clue what’s going to happen to us in the future. A— a nuclear bomb could drop on our heads tomorrow and then this conversation is just a huge waste of time. So I suggest you just shut up about the future and… start taking it day by day.” 

 

Even opens his mouth and closes it again. Isak is momentarily proud of himself for getting him to stop, before he shifts a little closer, outstretching one arm and cupping Even’s cheek. 

 

“What if a day is too much?” Even whispers. 

 

Isak, confident now that Even is responsive and listening, traces his thumb over Even’s cheekbone and swallows, thinking of what to say next. 

 

“Let’s play a game,” he decides, lowering his voice and turning his tone much sweeter. He brushes his hand back through Even’s hair, watching as Even closes his eyes. “It’s called… Isak and Even, minute by minute. And it goes like this… the only thing we’re going to think about is what’s happening in the next minute.” 

 

Even’s eyes open, and Isak looks at him for a moment, before he whispers: “Are you in?” 

 

“Okay,” Even whispers back. “But… what will we do in this minute?”

 

Isak’s mouth curls into a barely-there smile. “This minute we’ll kiss. Is that okay?” 

 

“That’s okay,” Even murmurs. 

 

Isak nods, shuffling forward and closing the gap between them to press his lips to Even’s. 

 

**Mandag 13:23**

 

_ group message: the boys  _

_ from Magnus: I am REVIVING this chat  _

_ from Jonas: we’re sitting right next to you  _

_ from Jonas: just talk out loud  _

_ from Magnus: don’t be rude _

_ from Magnus: I want EVAK to hear us too  _

_ from Mahdi: I don’t think they care, you never say anything important  _

_ from Magnus: Shut up Mahdi _

_ from Magnus: anyways. @evak, how are you guys??? Can we come over??? I miss you  _

_ from Jonas: I miss them too :(  _

_ from Mahdi: I miss Even  _

_ to ‘the boys’: Thx Mahdi  _

_ to ‘the boys’: I’ll check with Even, see how he’s feeling. Maybe  _

 

**Mandag 15:40**

 

“Nooooooo, why?” Magnus sighs heavily, tossing his controller at Mahdi, managing to smack him in the shoulder. “How did you get so  _ good  _ at this?” 

 

“Ow! You’re just shit!” Mahdi complains, giving Magnus’s controller to Jonas. 

 

“I’m not—“ 

 

“You are.” 

 

“Maybe I’m a little shit. Wait, were you guys practicing without me?”

 

Isak rolls his eyes. He turns his head to look at Even next to him, a silent question in his eyes. 

 

He was moderately proud of himself for convincing Even to come out of his room and sit with them on the couch while they play FIFA. Even if Even isn’t really saying anything, it’s probably good for him to have that kind of social interaction. So he’d made Even a warm cup of tea, and sat down next to him on the couch, letting Even lean lightly against his side as their friends banter and play games. 

 

Isak tilts his head and smiles, leaning up to wrap his arm around Even’s shoulders. Even slumps against his side, until his head rests down on Isak’s shoulder. 

 

Isak wants to be uncomfortable— he’s never been so publicly open with Even in front of his friends— but he can’t. All he can think about is that he hopes it helps Even. 

 

“But uhh…” Magnus stops bickering with Mahdi long enough to nod towards Even, now that he isn’t playing. “How are you doing, bro? I miss hanging out with you. No one else will watch rom-coms with me.” 

 

“That’s because rom-coms are terrible,” Mahdi says. 

 

“You’re so rude,” Magnus smacks him with one of Eskild’s throw pillows. “No, uh, but seriously. I miss you.” 

 

Isak glances down at Even, quietly brushing Even’s hair back so it’s not tickling his chin. It’s weirdly quiet. Even is slow to respond, and no one rushes him, though Isak can see it’s weird for them to see Even so opposite of Even. He can’t remember a time they’ve hung out that Even wasn’t laughing, smiling, brightening up the room. 

 

“We can watch them whenever you want,” Even says to Magnus, his voice soft but clear. 

 

Magnus breaks into a grin. “Sweet,” he says. 

 

“Do you want to play?” Jonas offers Even the controller. “Mahdi destroyed me.” 

 

Mahdi laughs from his left. “Come on, let me destroy you too,” he tells Even. 

 

Even shakes his head, but Isak can see one corner of his lips pulling up into a barely there smile. “No, thanks.” 

 

“I’m not giving it to Magnus again,” Jonas says, offering it to Isak. 

 

Isak hesitates, wanting to focus on the boy next to him, but Even nudges him in that direction, so he takes it. 

 

Isak loses to Mahdi, but he blames it on the fact that he’s distracted by having Even so close to him. Somewhere in the middle of their game, Even’s eyes start to grow heavy. He blinks them open, but they continuously droop closed every few seconds. 

 

“Do you want to go to bed?” Isak asks, quiet and in Even’s ear so no one else can hear. 

 

Even shakes his head a little. “I want to stay with you.” 

 

Isak smiles, tilts his head at the honesty. “Okay.” He clears his throat, “You guys, want to watch a movie?” 

 

If Even wants to stay here, the least Isak can do is put on a less noisy activity so he can drift off. 

 

**Mandag 18:02**

 

Isak leans his head back against the couch. His arm is starting to grow sore from where it’s wrapped around Even, but Even is asleep with his head on Isak’s shoulder. 

 

To his other side, Jonas is wrapped up in the movie, his knee knocking into Isak’s. “Everything okay?” He asks, when he sees Isak looking at him. 

 

Isak nods, offers an actually reassuring smile. “Yeah,” He says softly, “I mean… it will be.” 

 

He looks past Jonas, to where Mahdi and Magnus are both focused on the screen. It’s some stupid American comedy— Isak did  _ not  _ let Even pick, there’s no way he’s watching a sad movie today— and while it’s not really funny, it’s at least uplifting. 

 

“Alright.” Jonas nods, his eyes back on the screen. 

 

Isak takes a moment to look down at Even, to nudge his nose into Even’s hair, and just breathe. 

 

**Tirsdag 12:34**

 

_ group message: Kollektivet  _

_ from Guru Eskild: Update 12:34, Even is awake and his mood is okay. Positive increase from yesterday but he didn’t laugh at my funny jokes. I made him two slices of toast with cheese and he ate half of one.  _

_ to Kollektivet: eskild, I said text me if something is wrong. you don’t have to write so much  _

_ from Guru Eskild: Don’t you want to know?  _

_ to Kollektivet: thank you  _

_ from Linn: I am home too. I’ll see if he wants to watch a movie  _

_ to Kollektivet: thank you so much  _

 

**Onsdag 15:44**

 

The door to Kollektivet opens without Isak even having to unlock it. He lets himself in, toeing off his shoes by the door and dropping his bag near the counter. 

 

His first thought is to go and find Even, so he heads back to his room, making his way through the flat.

 

On his way there, he stops in the living room midstep and turns around. On the couch, squished close between Eskild and Linn, is Even— awake, dressed in one of Isak’s hoodies and a pair of his sweatpants (they end just above his ankles, which makes Isak want to kiss him). They’re watching some kind of film, and Isak stands for a moment to try and figure out what it is, tilting his head to where he’s seen it before. 

 

He takes a moment to look at them. They’re all focused on the screen, a blanket covering the three of them, like they’ve been friends forever. 

 

“Hi, baby gay!” Eskild brightens up, patting the spot next to him. “Come sit with us, we’re watching Love Actually!” 

 

Isak rolls his eyes. “A rom-com, Eskild, really?” 

 

“It’s a good movie. Even likes it.” Eskild raises his eyebrows. 

 

“ _ Eskild, _ ” Isak complains. “Don’t steal my boyfriend.” 

 

Even smiles, soft and closed lipped. 

 

Linn slides over, and Isak takes a spot in between her and Even on the couch. 

 

“Hi,” he greets Even personally, who hums gently in response. “Hey.” 

 

“How are you feeling?” 

 

Eskild and Linn both turn back to the movie, pretending to not listen, even though Isak knows very well that they’re both extremely nosy. 

 

Even shrugs, but he leans in and kisses Isak’s head. “Okay,” he answers. “Better. I missed you.” 

 

Isak breaks into a grin. 

 

**Torsdag 08:10**

 

Isak’s class starts in thirty-five minutes and he’s still standing in his room, pulling a hoodie over his head. 

 

Things seem worse this morning, for some reason. Even had rolled over when Isak got out of bed, and curled up on his side, facing the wall instead of Isak, the blankets all the way up to his shoulders. 

 

Isak takes a deep breath in. “Hey,” he says softly, once he’s dressed. “Do you want me to stay home?” 

 

Even sighs heavily. “No,” he mutters, clears his throat and speaks again, clearer. “No. You’ll fuck up your ten percent and it’ll be my fault. Just go.” 

 

“I don’t care about the ten percent.” Isak shakes his head. 

 

Even adjusts, pulling the blankets higher over him. “It’s okay,” he says, some of the irritation gone from his voice, like he’s realized Isak is just worried, “I’ll stay with Eskild.” 

 

“Okay,” Isak takes a deep breath. “Text me.” 

 

Even doesn’t answer, and Isak waits a few moments before he exhales and turns to leave. 

 

“Isak.”

 

Isak turns around at the soft sound of Even’s voice. “Yeah?” 

 

“I miss you.” 

 

Isak exhales slowly. How can Even expect him to leave now? He swallows, crosses the room to Even’s side of the bed. “I haven’t left yet,” he says, softer. 

 

Even exhales, burrows back into the blankets. Isak bends down and presses a kiss to his hair. It’s greasy, he makes a note to get him in the shower. “I’ll see you later, okay?” 

 

**Torsdag 11:11**

 

_ message with: Even Bech Næsheim  _

_ from Even: <3  _

_ to Even: <3  _

_ to Even: Miss you  _

_ from Even: me too  _

 

_ message with: Kollektivet  _

_ from Guru Eskild: Update 11:09 Even is awake and I made him breakfast. He said my eggs were bad and he was right. Now he is going to shower. I said he could use my fancy shampoo.  _

_ to Kollektivet: really? _

_ from Guru Eskild: Yes of course, your shampoo isn’t good enough  _

_ to Kollektivet: I wasn’t talking about the shampoo. whatever. thank you so much  _

 

**Fredag 12:22**

 

“How’s Even?” Magnus asks, mouth full of food.

 

“Ehh… better,” Isak shrugs. They’d had dinner together last night, Even had showered and played a video game with Linn— it was looking up. “He’ll probably come back to school next week.” 

 

“Yeah?” Mahdi grins, points at Isak with his fork. “You’re a cool boyfriend, Isak.” 

 

Isak’s cheeks heat up despite how much he doesn’t want them to. “Shut up,” he rolls his eyes. 

 

Jonas laughs. “Come on, Mahdi, don’t embarrass him.” 

 

“I was being nice!” Mahdi shakes his head, “It’s not my fault Isak is emotionally constipated.” 

 

Isak rolls his eyes dramatically, taking a bite of the bun on his plate. 

 

“Evak is good, then?” Magnus asks. 

 

Isak shrugs, chews and swallows. “Yeah, we’re good. Taking it day by day, minute by minute.” 

 

Magnus squawks out a laugh. “Minute by minute?” He echoes, “Wow, guys. Listen to this. Isak and Even, minute by minute. That’s the kind of romantic shit you could sell to NRK.” 

 

“Yeah, no,” Isak shakes his head, “I would  _ not  _ want my life to be a show on NRK.” 

 


	10. crazy in the head / good and happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END!! i am kind of sad....  
> this chapter goes out to ludvig and sophie, aka my #1 fic readers i love you both

**Søndag 10:22**

 

“I was thinking of going to stay with my parents for a couple days.”

 

“Hmm?” Isak, laying vertically in his bed, lifts his head from his textbooks in front of him. He’d been trying to catch up on all the work he’d missed the last week. He tilts his chin up to look at Even, who is sitting against his headboard, an old novel in his hands. “Why?”

 

Even shrugs, shaking his head. He still looks tired, Isak thinks to himself, a bit worn down, but much more present. “There’s some stuff I need to get. And I don’t want you to feel like you have to watch over me.”

 

“I don’t feel like I’m watching over you,” Isak says, but he caps his pen, tilting his head more. “You can stay if you want.”

 

Even closes his book. “I don’t know,” he says, “My parents want to see me, and I need to get things from their place, anyways.”

 

“Like what?” Isak asks. He carefully places his pen in his textbook to mark the page, and closes it. Sitting up, he tilts his head at Even.

 

Even leans in and presses one long kiss to Isak’s mouth, momentarily distracting him. When they pull apart, Isak feels slightly dazed, his head spinning with the intoxication of having Even so close.

 

“I have to take medications,” Even says, a little softer, fully pulling Isak from his drunk-on-Even daze. “I’ve missed too many days of them already, it’s not… good for me. And I need my clothes, and to check in with them so they don’t worry.”

 

Isak quickly searches his brain, trying to recall specifics about medications from the websites he’d read. “Oh,” he says a bit dumbly, starting to feel guilty: as if he’s the cause for Even missing them, even though he hadn’t known. “I’m sorry.”

 

Even tilts his head, smiling gently at Isak. “It’s okay,” he shakes his head. Isak is much more reminded of baseline Even. “I didn’t tell you and now that I’m feeling a little better… it’s easier to start taking them again.”

 

“Why did you stop?”

 

Even frowns, ducking his head slightly.

 

Isak feels instantly guilty, reaching to take Even’s hand. “Or… I mean, you don’t have to tell me.”

 

Even takes Isak’s hand, pulling it to his chest, so both of their hands are resting over his heart. Isak can feel Even’s heartbeat against the back of his hand.

 

Even huffs out a soft laugh. “It’s okay,” he shakes his head, “You can ask questions.”

 

Isak nods, listening.

 

“It’s just stupid,” Even shakes his head, “I wanted to…” He takes a breath in. “I wasn’t in the right mindset, and I wanted to prove that I wasn’t too… _crazy in the head_ for you. And it’s hard to start taking them again when I’ve already lost it.”

 

Isak’s eyes drop to their intertwined hands across Even’s chest. He’d nearly forgotten what he’d said until Even had repeated it back to him. “ _Oh,_ ” he breathes. A beat passes. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t… mean to say that.”

 

Even tilts his head, trying to make eye contact with Isak again. “I know,” he agrees, “It was hard to hear, but I know you didn’t. I’m not mad at you.”

 

“No,” Isak huffs, “Fuck, that was so _bad._ I’m really sorry, Even. I didn’t mean it.”

 

Even almost smiles, but his brow furrows gently together. “Okay.” But even if he isn’t saying it, Isak feels like he knows Even well enough now to read him. He knows it had bothered him; it probably still bothers him.

 

Isak lifts his head to face Even. “I didn’t mean it about my mom,” he says, a little awkwardly, “I’ve talked her since and… done research, or whatever, on Google, and I talked to Linn, and I know it’s not her fault. I don’t think she’s crazy. I don’t think _you’re_ crazy.”

 

Even nods. Isak watches his face relax, can feel Even squeeze his hand from where they’re sitting sitting against his heart. Isak’s heart beats along with Even’s, to matching rhythms, longing to burst out of his chest and into Even’s hands. “Okay?” He asks quietly.

 

“Okay,” Even agrees, much more convincingly.

 

**Mandag 10:32**

 

_ message with: Vilde Hellerud Lien  _

_from Vilde: Hi Isak! I heard that you have a thing with Even from Kosegruppa and I just want to say it’s soooo cool. I love gay people!!!_

_to Vilde: Ok_

_to Vilde: Thx I guess_

_from Vilde: Anyways can you host a get together for Kosegruppa on Friday at 18? I wanted to have it at my place but my mom is having a wine gathering, and Eva can’t do it because her mom is home. And Sana’s parents are Muslim._

_to Vilde: I guess yeah, I can host._

_from Vilde: Yes Isak!! Thank you so much!!_

_from Vilde: You can invite your friends if you want since it’s at your place._

_to Vilde: I’ll let them know_

 

**Tirsdag 10:30**

 

“Shit,” Isak mutters, in the middle of quickly typing up last week’s assignment on his laptop. Even had gone home last night, and he was much too _preoccupied_ to finish whatever biology assignment he was meant to be doing.

 

“Hi,” Sana greets him, sliding into her seat. “Forgot to do the assignment again?”

 

“Uh, yeah,” Isak shakes his head, “I’ve been busy.”

 

“Busy with your new boyfriend?” She raises her eyebrows at him.

 

Isak stops typing to narrow his eyes at her, but she looks so pleased that he smiles a little too. “Yeah,” he shrugs, one-shouldered and causal, “I suppose you could say that.”

 

Sana actually smiles at him, tilting her head and pursing her lips. “And how nice of you to host Kosegruppa on Friday!”

 

Isak rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I didn’t have much choice,” he looks back at his laptop, typing away, “Vilde is… kind of pushy.”

 

“Vilde is the most dedicated person I know,” Sana says, as if he’s insulted her, “She never gives up on anything. You should respect her. And Kosegruppa is the _best_ revue group of them all.”

 

Isak rolls his eyes a second time. “Okay,” he agrees, “She’s… dedicated. That’s true.”

 

Sana hums. “Do you want my assignment?”

 

Isak looks up in slight surprise, but she’s already sliding her laptop over.

 

“I owe you my life,” he says.

 

“No thanks,” she replies.

 

Isak grins.

 

**Tirsdag 14:35**

 

_ group message: the boys  _

_from Magnus: EVEN_  
_from Magnus: EVEN_  
_from Magnus: EVEN_  
_from Magnus: EVEN_  
_from Jonas: why_  
_from Mahdi: are you doing that_  
_to the boys: I hate when you guys do that_  
_from Magnus: I want him to tell us embarrassing stuff about Issy K_  
_from Even: Holy fuck, I forgot how much I love that nickname_  
_from Jonas: holy shit mags is a genius_  
_from Mahdi: you did not just say that_  
_from Jonas: you’re right. correction, holy shit mags had 1 good idea ever._

 _from Even: He’s had at least 3 good ideas_  
_from Magnus: fuck u Jonas_  
_to the boys: ......._  
_to the boys: even would never do that_  
_from Magnus: Is Isak a little spoon or a big spoon_  
_to the boys: I’m a knife_  
_from Even: He’s a little spoon_  
_from Magnus: HAHAHA I KNEW IT_ _  
__from Jonas: that isn’t news, I could’ve told you that_             

 _from Mahdi: this implies that you’ve spooned Isak_  
_from Jonas: yeah and?_ _  
__to the boys: we’re breaking up_

_from Mahdi: you and jonas or you and even?_

_to the boys: funny_

_from Even: Okay, it was fun while it lasted :( <3 _  
_from Isak: :( <3 _ _  
__from Magnus: Ok second question. Who bottoms_

 _from Mahdi: omfg don’t answer please_  
_to ‘the boys’: GAJEHKQHEHAJQSHAJSH_  


_ You removed Magnus Fossbaken from ‘the boys’ _

 

_from Mahdi: wow I’ve always wanted to do that_

_from Even: this is the best fucking chat ever. I missed you guys._  
_to the boys: DONT ENCOURAGE THEM_  
_from Mahdi: Isak is gay panicking_  
_from Mahdi: mags broke him_  
_from Even: hahahaha_  
_from Jonas: thank you issy he deserved that_  
_from Mahdi: finally some peace and quiet around here_  
  
_ Even Bech Næsheim added Magnus Fossbaken to ‘the boys’  _  


_from Even: Don’t be rude Issy_

_from Even: Mags, no more sex questions for Isak_

_from Magnus: Even is my new best friend, I hate all of you_  
_to the boys: Back off_  
_from Jonas: Careful, you’ll make Isak jealous_  
_from Magnus: I’m not scared of Issy K_  
_from Isak: only my friends call me that >:( _  
_from Magnus: Ok Issy K_  
_to the boys: Ok Virgin_  
_from Jonas: BURN_  
_from Mahdi: Fucking roasted_  
_from Even: Isak!!!!!!_ _  
__from Magnus: fair enough_

 

**Onsdag 12:24**

 

“Hello, boys,” Isak slides into his seat at lunch, in between Even and Jonas. Even kisses his cheek as he sits down, and his face flushes.

 

Mahdi snickers, but Jonas elbows him before he can point it out.

 

“What’s up?” Magnus nods at him, mouth full of whatever he’s eating.

 

“Nothing,” Isak says, leaning back against his chair. Even slides him in closer, and wraps his arm around his shoulders, and he doesn’t mind at all. “Except that I’m having a party on Friday, and you’re all invited.”

 

Even raises his eyebrows. Jonas and Mahdi look moderately impressed, and Magnus whoops out loud.

 

“Yes! Who’s coming?”

 

“It’s with Kosegruppa,” Isak says, and Mahdi immediately rolls his eyes. Magnus groans.

 

“Kosegruppa?” Jonas says.

 

“Why would you host that?” Mahdi replies, “I thought you meant something cool!”

 

“Wow, I’d nearly forgotten about Kosegruppa,” Even shakes his head. Isak knows the feeling.

 

“Oh yeah,” Magnus points at him, “You went to that too. HA! And Isak was such a bitch.”

 

Isak rolls his eyes, scoffing to himself.

 

Mahdi laughs, elbowing Magnus. “Fuck, remember? He was texting us like,” he scrunches his face up to do an impression of Isak, “‘Where the fuck are you? I’m stuck with _Even._ ”

 

Even grins, rubbing his arm down Isak’s side from where it’s wrapped around his shoulders.

 

“Why did you go to that, anyways?” Magnus asks Even, “I mean, none of us did.”

 

“He’s just too nice,” Jonas replies.

 

Even shrugs. “I was there to spend time with Isak.”

 

Isak looks up from his friends to Even, awe dancing in his eyes. “Really?” He asks softly, but Magnus is already talking again.

 

“Oh my god, really?” Magnus asks, “You liked him even when he was a bitch?”

 

“That’s romance,” Mahdi says, very matter-of-fact, “Enduring Kosegruppa to get a boyfriend.”

 

Even grins, kissing Isak’s head again, his cheeks flushing just as they had the first time. “It wasn’t so bad,” he says, “Besides, it was worth it.”

 

Magnus awwwws loudly. Isak kicks him in the kneecap from under the table and his aww turns into a yelp.

 

“Anyways,” Isak says, rolling his eyes, “Come on Friday at 18.”

 

“Yeah, I don’t know,” Mahdi shakes his head. “Kosegruppa? Not my thing.”

 

“Vilde will be there,” Even says casually.

 

“Oh, fuck!” Magnus drops his fork, “Okay, we’ll be there. Someone help set me up with her. Isak! You know her, right? Or… Even?”

 

**Onsdag 21:40**

 

_ message with: Even Bech Næsheim _

_from Even: I don’t like my bed. I miss yours_

_to Even: come back then_

_to Even: how’s everything with your parents?_

_from Even: It’s good. Except my mom has been bugging me to meet you._

_to Even: Oh?_

_from Even: Yeah. Would you want to?_

_to Even: do you think it would be okay?_

_from Even: Isak! Of course! She would love you. They both would. <3 _

_to Even: okkkk_

_to Even: when though?_

_from Even: I don’t know, sometime next week._

_to Even: ok_

_to Even: come over?_

_from Even: Yeah, fuck it, I’m already on the way_

 

**Torsdag 14:32**

 

_ message with: Even Bech Næsheim  _

_from Even: That thing you did in the shower this morning though_

_from Even: Maybe I should stay over every night_

 

“Isak,” Sana reprimands, exasperated, her hand tapping on the book in front of him, “Focus.”

 

Isak’s head snaps back down to the biology book from where he’d been staring at his phone, and he shakes it a little, snapping out of his trance. His cheeks flush lightly with embarrassment. “Sorry,” he sighs.

 

“Maybe it’s not a good day to study, since you’re so distracted.”  Sana raises her eyebrows, as if she’s waiting for him to tell her what he’s thinking about. The subtlety makes Isak’s lips curl up in the corners, though he shakes his head again.

 

“No, let’s study, I’m so behind,” he points to the text, “I’m just thinking about… Even. You know him, right?”

 

Sana rolls her eyes. “You can pine over _Even_ later.”

 

“I’m not _pining,_ ” Isak remarks, feigning offense at the statement, “It’s not _pining_ if we’re already together, Sana.”

 

Sana rolls her eyes again, so hard Isak thinks they might pop out if she isn’t careful.

 

“Whatever,” Isak mutters. “Jealous.”

 

Sana surprises him by bursting into laughter.

 

**Torsdag 17:45**

 

_ group message: the boys  _

_from Magnus: WHOS READY TO PARTY_

_from Mahdi: you know that it’s tomorrow, right? not today?_

_from Magnus: dude I know_

_from Magnus: it’s just fun to get hyped early_

_from Jonas: Yeah Mags!! Party!!_

_from Jonas: …  with Kosegruppa though :/_

_to the boys: hey, don’t be shitting on Kosegruppa_

_to the boys: it’s the best revue group of them all_

_from Even: I have to agree with Isak_

_from Magnus: so who’s gonna help set me up with my v_

_from Mahdi: fucking hell_

_from Mahdi: do NOT call her that_

 

**Fredag 18:30**

 

Isak smiles, tilting his head as he talks to Eva about anything and everything. He’s missed her, of course, and it’s nice to catch up, even if he feels a bit bad about everything that’s gone on between them.

 

He lifts his head and spots Even from across the room, chatting to Mahdi and Jonas, all three of them smiling. Even, as if realizing he’s being watched, turns his head to look at Isak.

 

He smiles, and Isak smiles back, close-lipped at first, and then slowly spreading until his teeth are showing.

 

It takes half a minute to excuse himself from the conversation with Eva, and he crosses the room to greet his friends: they’re in the kitchen, where Magnus has joined them as well.

 

“Hey,” he greets everyone, stepping into their circle to stand between Even and Mahdi, leaning against the counter. “What are you guys talking about?”

 

“We’re trying to set Magnus up with Vilde,” Even says.

 

Isak laughs, shaking his head. “Wow, poor Vilde,” he says.

 

“Hey!” Magnus squawks in interruption.

 

A beat passes, and then Isak furrows his brow. “Actually… maybe that would work. What’s the plan?”

 

Even raises his eyebrows at Isak. “Jonas and Mahdi think that he should try and be cool so he doesn’t look desperate. I think he should just be as desperate as possible. You know, show her who he really is.”

 

Mahdi laughs loudly. “Dude, you’re the only person I know who can insult someone and make it sound like a compliment.”

 

“Desperate isn’t an insult,” Even grins back, “It’s a valid strategy.”

 

Isak’s knees go a little weak at how happy he looks. It’s really nice to see. Not just considering the last two weeks, but also because Isak just _loves_ him. Sure, things aren’t perfect. Sometimes Isak says stupid things. Sometimes Even pushes him away, and Isak can’t pull him back in. But if he had a choice, he wouldn’t change a thing. Not even the bad stuff. Because despite how bad things can get, he’s gotten Even out of it, and he’s more sure about the two of them than ever.

 

“But, uh.” Even nudges his side, effectively pulling him from his thoughts. “What do you think? Should he be suave or desperate?”

 

“Oh, bro, don’t ask Isak,” Mahdi cuts in, “He’ll just tell Magnus to be a bitch to her.”

 

Isak rolls his eyes. “Come on.”

 

“Hey, he got Even, though,” Jonas points out, gesturing between Isak and Even. “That’s winning, if you ask me.”

 

Even places a hand over his chest, eyes nearly closed as he smiles at Jonas. “You’re so nice.”

 

“Oh, fuck, true! Even is the coolest guy ever.” Magnus shakes his head. “Isak, dude, how _did_ you manage that? Teach me. Teach me your ways.”

 

“I don’t know. I didn’t do anything.” Isak groans, shifting closer to Even’s side. Even wraps an arm around his waist, loose enough to keep a few centimeters in between them.

 

Isak tilts his chin up to look at Even. “What was your advice again?”

 

“That he should be himself,” Even grins, “Take desperate all the way.”

 

“Yeah, do that,” Isak agrees. Not that he really cares about this conversation, with Even’s hand on his back, and Even’s smile lighting up the room. “Take,” he waves a hand, “Desperate all the way, or whatever.”

 

“Fuck it.” Magnus shakes his head. “I’m doing it.”

 

Jonas laughs, gesturing Mahdi with him. “Come on, we have to see this.”

 

With the three of them gone, Isak is left standing next to Even. Even’s arm tightens around his waist, until he’s pulled Isak all the way in and pressed a kiss right to his mouth. When they separate, Even kisses him again, and Isak is left dazed and breathless, softly smiling and weak in the knees.

 

“Hey, you.” Even tilts his head and smiles, his expression softening in that way it does when he looks at Isak.

 

“Hi.” Isak smiles back, genuine and softer without the prying eyes of their friends. “How are you?”

 

“I’m good,” Even nods. “I’m happy. How are you?”

 

Isak’s smile widens until his teeth are showing, genuinely happy to hear it. “I’m good and happy too.”

 

Even laughs breathlessly. He starts to pull Isak in again, and Isak slides a hand back into Even’s hair, meeting him in the middle for a long kiss.

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
